Social Awkwardness and Anxiety

I have been socially an awkward person for as long as I have known. I can be called an introvert...a socially-phobic and anxious person! It is not easy to put up with me! And it's not very easy to believe it because in an office atmosphere or at social gatherings I try my best and behave as if I am comfortable. Truth be told, I would be suffocating and waiting for the ordeal to end if I have to connect and keep talking to people for long. If I really connect with a person, I talk about anything and everything, but that connection happens rarely. In the recent past ( maybe in new normal) I have a feeling that I actually can connect better only with people who read or write and rest all even if are close to me, I don't feel that spark, the joy or the connect! With writers/readers who mostly are like-minded folks, I won't be standing on the pedestal explaining my excitement, burdened thoughts, anxiety, or emotions! Anyway more on it later.

I just wanna narrate a funny incident which happened in my apartment. I went to a ceremony in a neighbor's house, which is again a big deal to me coz there r groups and then groups and just the sea of people wherever you see. Needless to say it makes me anxious, so anxious that I breathe in , breathe out at times! No. I am not kidding. I always find a quite corner in any social event , specially during family or neighborhood events or functions ! I want to be that wall flower and want every one to forget me. I know some of you must be frowning as my personality online doesn't seem the same! So I sat across the host who is a friend, and managed small talks with few around...the usual.." how are you!? How do u do? Did maid come? How's health? Are u working out" and such.

Even if I am not very outgoing, I am cordial. I try to maintain social dignity and just talk. My daughter so far is a people person - a contrasting personality when compared with me. So in that ceremony, I spot this one woman who is good-looking, has a good smile, and seemed friendly with all. A week before she had some other party at her home …and there was a last-minute invitation ( a phone call to my husband by some other member of her family) while we were all out for some long personal errand. My husband attended the party for a while, once we came back. He is quite social and has many friends among our neighbors! I was engrossed in housework, feeding Zaara and putting her to sleep. I tried saying an audible enough hi and simply tried just saying that we missed your party that day ...such and such...blah blah...I didn't even finish the sentence and I observed that she was plain ignoring me. Ignore as in, I am talking to her...and she glared at me and looked at the roof, at walls, at other people and exchanged smiles with them, etc. much to the amusement of some who were surrounding me :) and I was befuddled! I was trying to recollect if she and I spoke at any time or had any differing opinions or arguments ( in present digital circumstances it is quite a possibility). I had no memory of talking to her ever. I observed that she was talking fine with everyone but me😂 For a while I was confused, analyzed, and overanalyzed the situation, then forgot as I felt clueless.

I had my lunch (that is important 😜), spent some time, and finally left. I went on with my day but that event was poking me in the back of my mind! Anyhoo I buried it.

In the evening we all decided to go to the park for a walk. As we entered the elevator, there were a bunch of kids... playing, shouting, and in their usual high spirits! Zaara knows most of them and two slightly elder kids  (a 10-11 yr old and maybe an 8 yr old) who like her a lot started talking to her and pampering her! The 10-11-year-old girl suddenly looks at me and says:

"Aunty. I wanted to meet you from so long!"

I was puzzled, and asked : "Me???"

"Yes Aunty. I read your blog so!"

An elated me: "Wow ! Really?"

"Yes. I specially read Zaaras posts. That poem and also Zesty Zaara (she was talking about my A - Z posts) - they are just awesome!"

"Thank You so much. I feel awesome too as you read it. But how did you know my blog ?"

" My uncle read it and he showed to me!"

"Oh! So cool."

"Yes Aunty, you should show to Zaara when she grows! She will love it!"

I said Ya definitely, and we reached their floor. We said bye to each other. 

I was amazed by the acknowledgement and calm attitude, a 11 year old showed! Felt surprised by the fact that she could read my blog so well.  I spoke to her with so much ease. I loved every bit of that happy and honest talk.

As the day ended, it dawned on me that I may talk well with only a select group of adults, but I can manage talks with all the kids! The little girl made me so happy and I forgot the awkward moment from my morning!

And here comes the crazy twist - the girl who honoured me with her appreciation is the kid of the lady who gave me cold shoulder 😂😅😂 It felt super crazy once I realised it. I mean God has his own ways I suppose! 

The reason I am writing all this on the blog is cuz I am comfortable here. I can speak to myself and share my thoughts transparently with a few like-minded folks. If you are also socially anxious like me, you will understand what I am saying! If I talk all this with some other friends who even after knowing me pretty well, would still say, "Take it easy!" and label me an "OverThinker!"

To some extent they are true, overthinking never helps, but not being mute and sharing thoughts does help...so here I am writing it on my blog! 

By the way for doing what - I was subjected to a cold stare and shoulder still remains a mystery!!🤪🤪 but what is life without a little mystery isn't it? Have you ever been in a socially awkward situation? Are you an introvert? How do you handle yourself in social gatherings?

Do share your experiences :) 

Ramzan Memories of 90s

As I sit engulfed in the aroma of eid-ul-fir/Ramzan delicacies being made by mom  (Sheer Khurma, biryani, dal cha, dry fruits mix as a topping, bhaji and chicken fry), I am trying to recollect my best Eid memory so far.

Nothing matches the joy of Ramzan spent with my naana naani (grandparents). I vividly remember early and mid-90s, those Eid days when usually our entire family clan reunites. My grandma has four daughters and one son. We lived in the same town Ongole in the closest vicinity to my naana naani and uncle, aunt ( maama maami). All the other daughters were in different cities. Usually, all the sisters and the only brother meet every Ramzan! I used to go there even before a week, to take part in preparations and have fun. My naani used to have a very old sevayya making machine...it is a machine in which you put in the wheat flour and rotate it. A sieve with very narrow holes is fixed to the bottom of the machine from which sevayya would come out....it has to be operated manually! The sevayya is collected on plates and dried in sun. It is also collected on the backside of bowls, or trays. They would look like very thin noodles. Once dried and scrapped it takes the shape of the container, the sevayya is then preserved in huge steel boxes only to be opened on Eid day!

Getting Mehndi/Henna on hands a night before Eid is a beautiful ritual

Even a morsel of sheer khurma is heavenly. The dry fruit toppings ( cashews, dates, raisins, etc) and the grated coconut are mixed together - we call it "chowba" in Andhra. Frankly eating sheer-khurma without this topping is a crime! Ramzan festival date is declared after the moon sighting and hence is celebrated on different days in different parts of the world. In the USA and UAE Eid begins one day before it does in India! Everyone distributes food and gives alms to whoever is in need during the Ramadan month!

Dum Ke sevayya with "chowba" as topping

Sheer Khurma

Once the entire family offers Eid ka namaaz and wish Eid Mubarak to each other, they gather and relish generous bowls of sheer khurma! My personal favorite variant is Dum ke sevayya laden with khoa/mawa....I don't know if it's magic in my naanis or mother's hands but my mouth waters seeing that vibrant orangish-brown colored sevayya with the khoa sprinkled all over it. Another version is Mutton Kheema sevayya for non-veg lovers. Once cooked the aroma would reach the end of the street you live in❤️😋😋 Either chicken or mutton biryanis are cooked here in Andhra Pradesh /Telangana along with raaita (curd gravy), baingan ka khatta (a yummy spicy baingan gravy) or dal cha (a dal dish)! The lavish spread of food is sinful and you can't stick to your diet just for that day! You must forget your diet regimes and attack the food! Various versions of foods are cooked in various states of India!

In my childhood as we used to have all the five families (most of the years) united at my grandma's house, it was always noisy, and filled with food, fun, and laughs! After offering namaaz and consuming loads of sheer khurma and spicy kheema sevayya as breakfast...we would wish eid Mubarak by hugging one another. The hug feels warm especially when exchanged with granny and grandpa. Then comes the ritual of "Eidi" a process where you demand gifts or money from elderly members of the family. Some give money easily and some tease you, asking you favours or reprimand you to do chores to earn Eidi. Once one of my uncles made a fun proposal..."whoever gives me 50 rupees, I will give them 100/-...and I will give only 50 Rs/-  to those who can't give me 50!" Hearing that all the kids flanked him giving away 50 and snatching 100. After all 100 means a lot in those days...an ice cream, spicy chat and maybe purchasing a fun game! My smartness kicked in and I got a very bright💡 idea💭. In that crowd, he couldn't recognize who was who. I joined the loud boisterous gang demanding money and took only 50/- saying I have no money. I returned in ten min saying I have 50 and gave his 50 to him and took 100/- 😁😁 He couldn't realize it was me who had already taken 50 from him! The noises and banter continued till everyone was satisfied with their rewards and gifts.

A to Z Journey - My Reflections post

I actually got busy with work and Ramzan festival is around the corner, but seeing every one doing a A to Z reflections post, it perked me up to do one too. I have already done a Thank You post which is as good as reflections...which surprisingly received lot of love! While writing it I felt may be I am rambling a lot....but then some of those points seemed useful to many bloggers which made me super glad. "My long posts and wrist pain haven't gone waste"- I felt😌. A to Z woke me up from a deep non-blogging slumber. Its like I woke up startled from a nightmare and I started penning down whatever came to my mind freely and unapologetically. Some of the posts written by me - Vision - An open letter to every Indian , Bemused, Covidiots were all highlighting the current situations and challenges. Not all may find them good because we have varying opinions among the World/Country citizens, but I am glad I could pen down my unfiltered thoughts through A to Z. When I started I was quite doubtful, shy and scared as I am blogging after a long break but everyone's comments encouraged and motivated me to continue writing! I mostly wrote about covid life and my daughter diaries during A to Z.

Following list covers all my A to Z blog posts  - now that I skim through them, I feel mystified that I could pull it through (ofcourse my friend and my mother contributed guest posts) ! 😇😇

• Zesty Zaara
• You did it
• Xanadian Mission
• What's happening on WhatsApp?
• "Vision" - An Open Letter to Every Indian
• UnChained / UnMachined
• Thank You All, Take-aways and Tips (A to Z)
• S.P. Balasubrahmanyam - A tribute
• R for RRR movie
• Q for Quarantined!
• Page from the past
• Ode to Warriors
• Netflix and Chill
• Man's Search for Meaning - Review
• L for Lockdown
• Kindergarten in Covid
• J for Juggling
• I for Instagram
• H for Horror
• Gifts - We all love them!
• F for Feeding my Fussy eater
• Eighty Three (83) Movie
• Downtown Abbey
• Covidiots
• B for Bemused!
• A new year - 2020

This year was quite enriching because I have read a lot. When I finished challenge in past years (2013, 2014), we did it as a very small group and had no time to read from Master list. This time I had time to experience various writings, understand various walks of life,  challenges they faced, their accomplishments, failures, poetry, fiction, reviews, technology, foods, travelogues and much more. Aaah! It was like I experienced a ocean of blogs - each wave carrying its own flavor , its own authenticity. I loved the following blogs for their honesty, passion, fun quotient, emotional values, research , presentation , detailed analysis and much more. It was like I walked in to a human library.  To me interaction is the key. Whoever could interact seamlessly, I connected well with them!

Some blogs from my A to Z reading list:

Following are Top favs. They are quite interactive in their writing, be it on their own blogs or while sharing their views on others blogs👍💓!

1. https://fictionpies.com/ (Flash fiction based on books she read . A strong story established in very less words)
2. https://crackerberries.wordpress.com/ (Became a fan of her spontaneity, her humor, her passion and the efforts she took to share others' blogs is commendable)
3. www.hdhstory.net/storyblog ( MY MOST FAVORITE BLOG - UNIQUE letters written which highlight all real events both current and historical)
4. https://liveandlearn-tossandturn.blogspot.com/  (Spontaneous posts , An interactive blog for readers)
5. http://benchsnotebook.blogspot.com/ (Day to day anecdotes. Quite a fun blog)
6. https://kalpanawrites.com/ (Wonderful travelogues)
7. https://matheikal.blogspot.com/ (political satires. Something I read never before. Non-chalant writing)
8. https://soniadogra.com/ (Beautiful and soulful poetry)
9. https://thedreamgirlwrites.wordpress.com/ (Loved her fiction and style)
10. https://waffle-with-wendy.blogspot.com/ (Conversations of Alice and Wendy - which you should not miss)
11. https://thethreegerbers.blogspot.com/ (An interesting Starbucks Coffee story)
12. https://moondustwriter.wordpress.com/ (A Sci-Fi account of the Ukraine war and tragic events. Must read)
13. https://planetpailly.com/ (Quite a favorite blog. Gave me an idea to write my X post. A space blog which would make your imaginations soar)

Zesty Zaara

Dear Zaara,

I am writing this letter just to preserve my feelings for you right at this moment. I am sure a mother's love cannot be explained in a manner which can be understood easily! Most of the times I know I am the bad cop at home and you don't like me teaching punctuality or discipline to you, you don't want me to make you sit to do homework, to force you to eat food, and to not allow to play 24*7...but in this letter I just am trying to say what you mean to me and how I feel. The day I felt a part of my soul reunited with me to make me feel life like is, 10-02-2017. When you screamed in the labour room at about 11:10 p.m. after an ordeal of a whole day ( the day started at 3 a.m. 😪)I was relieved! At that moment I was only happy that I was out of pain and and for some reason I was feeling I would have a boy, so when doctors declared that it's a baby girl, my enthusiasm dampened. Don't glare at me🤬. I know everyone who is reading this would frown! The only reason I wanted to have a baby boy is due to the fact that girls have to go through all this - what exactly I was going through... and that moment I really wanted a boy, but the second they placed the baby bundle in my hands, I broke-down. It all played in the back of mind, the struggle to have a child, the troubles I faced those 9 months and everything...As you quizzically looked at me and didn't cry at all...I fell in love with you. We did take many pics but missed that moment. I wish to have captured that inquisitive face filled with question marks. You didn't cry much. There definitely was a hint of anger and I felt may be you sensed that I wanted a boy😄. 

Taken 40 days after birth!

As we shifted to a normal room, and you kept on cooing and making gurgling sounds …with sparkly eyes and a hint of smile...with zero interest in sleep...the nurses said just in a span of 1-2 days, "the baby is fun, has rapt attention, very observant, and feels like hyper active - we are telling this from our experience," they told. I laughed at their silliness but eventually I felt they were true! You filled such bright hues in my life with your talks, smiles, invented games, songs, dances, silly jokes, stories, paintings, drawings and many other shenanigans! I feel you are braver than me. I cried during your first vaccine shot but you didn't flinch. Seeing other kids crying I was scared but you cried quite nominally! I feel you are strong in all the sick or weak days....I remember some dreadful days and nights when you involved me with your giggles and jokes where as I was super scared ….praying you get well soon! You make friends easier than me. I am glad you are quite opposite in this aspect...yet I observed that you choose those who appeal you quite carefully! They say dance like no body is watching you and I learnt this actually from you! 

You did it

On April 9th, my daughter Zaara had her graduation day! After virtually looking at each other in rectangular boxes for 2 years, it was finally the time to meet in real. The kids and parents were equally excited. I was curious to see and meet everyone in person (after all I attended all the classes). When I entered school, everyone (staff and kids) looked gorgeous in real, was my instant feeling!😀Zaara woke up for the first time early in morning and got ready with out Alexa reminding her ( yes at our home we keep many reminders in Alexa to make Zaara do her works...after 5 min for milk, after 10 min homework so on. She finds fun in it.. I find my patience dwindling with all waiting!!). 

Anyhow today I wanna share the glimpses of the big milestone - the completion of preschool!

We were welcomed with a happy décor. Kids were in great spirits, perked up to meet their friends! I want to write on how they bonded even if the classes were virtual but maybe after the challenge! As soon as they met, they started playing. We felt glad to capture the "offline" moments! 

The fun wall hangings in school are quite motivational and will make you smile!

 

This is the background of the Dias on which kids stood to receive their certificates and assessment cards.

 

More and more hand made décor all over the school lifted the spirits!

Zaara is a good dancer. She loves to make a move whenever she can. Recently a Tamil song became viral - Halamithi Habibo. By seeing  You tube videos she practiced most of the steps. She felt a bit shy but managed to do that hook step :) 

Some how the quality of videos is poor after uploading on Blogger. The kids danced to many other feet tapping songs.  Zaara sang a song - All good friends and jolly company (below) - the lyrics will surely make you feel.

 mixed!

"All good friends and Jolly Company...

 Never mind the weather … never mind the rain

Once we are together

Uff we go again!!"

They sang many other songs which their teacher taught them in the class! 

One more wall poster which made me feel quite mixed. "The Big Kid" thought made me both happy and unhappy !

Just before leaving, I found the following banner which felt so good because the struggle is real. The online schooling which I am not sure would end this academic year or not, is a harrowing experience😪. We all struggled together - parents, teachers, the kids, and some times even grand parents pitched in. They say it takes a village to raise a kid....and in Covid it definitely felt like it would take a planet to raise the kid ! Thanks to Esperanza for personally taking interest in every kid and for cooperating with us at every step!

It was a great achievement for us all. I felt proud for the child and thought, "You did it" in my heart or rather it was more like "We did it!" 🙂🙂

Ok now even with respect to A to Z challenge, we must say to each other - Yipeeeeeeeeeeeee- YOU DID IT. Just one more day to go. I am breathing in and breathing out, dreaming of the rest I can get tomorrow😝. Meet you with Z tomorrow! My Z topic brings in lot of zing to my challenge ;) If you can guess what it would be, do share? !

Some interesting blogs you may wanna pay a visit:

https://liveandlearn-tossandturn.blogspot.com/

https://thedreamgirlwrites.wordpress.com/

https://lawsofgravity.blogspot.com/

https://brewingcoffeetwistingwordsbreakingpencils.ca/

https://bethlapinsatozblog.wordpress.com/

I am participating in Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022  and this is my last but one Day 25 - 'Y' post.

Xanadian Mission

Dec 22, 2019

Xanadu Space Ship

"MISSION EARTH initiated. I repeat Mission Earth initiated!" was the loud announcement all over the space ship.

In the space ship, the commander in chief of the Xanadian force, Sir. Gamma Delton called for the daily stand up meeting.

"So Mr. Omega. What's the status? How are we with this mission?"

"So far so good sir. We would enter the Earth exactly in 3 months from now. They don't have the infantries or suitable weaponry to fight us back, so mostly they would surrender!"

"What are the chances to establish our territories at all the planned locations on Earth?"

source : here

"We have fair chances sir. This is the right time to occupy. They are fighting among themselves for many centuries now and in recent past, politicians are instilling more and more hatred in the earthlings!"

"Hope you have done good amount of research before you declare in such a final tone!"

"Yes sir! I heard that people are fighting over religion, the leaders fuelling the fight, many countries are in a retrogressive direction embracing fascism, aristocracy, initiating caste based, religion based segregation, baseless killings, imprisonment for having freedom of speech and much more!"

"But Earth is the best example for humanity! They survived world wars and calamities due to their human nature is what I heard!?"

"Indeed! But now with exponential rise in rage and hatred, they are vulnerable and are believing everything!"

"The plan is to first land in Delhi, India. There are CAA protests going on in the capital city, a weak moment which we can cash. It is easy to occupy."

"Can you brief me the plan!?"

"Very well. We would land in Delhi at PMO,  would initiate a meeting and get our treaty signed. We will give them one week time to discuss and decide!"

"Didn't their intelligence bureau detect our visit?"

"They cannot exactly detect us till we reach earth's atmosphere...even then till we are in the vicinity, it's not possible to detect because of our powerful invisible shield and our intense anti radar system and when we are at least 1000 Km from the capital city of India, we would notify the PMO about our landing. If they sign the treaty which they mostly would, we would have an amicable discussion, make Delhi our Head Quarters, start implementing our rule and establish colonies. Further plans I can brief when we reach Delhi Sir"

"What if they are not ready to sign the treaty?"

"They can't possibly think of entering a war and then winning it - their ammunition would be over in a day. I don't think they would be that foolish. If they resist we will also react. We don't want any killings. To avoid loss of life, we would use our mind control machine, Electro Neuro-Con and hypnotize the public to obey the new rule and proceed with our same plan of colony establishment!"

"Fine! Hope we are prepared for any kind of surprises, attacks, or disasters!"

"Don't worry sir. We have well trained soldiers. We are ready for any kind of mishaps!"

Days turned to months …

What's happening on WhatsApp?

WhatsApp - who doesn't know this name? And who doesn't use it. Except in countries, where it is banned (like China, North Korea, UAE), everywhere else people use WhatsApp profusely! What'sApp became akin to our morning rituals like brushing teeth, reading news, exercising etc. From milk vendor to millionaire every one is using it. It is not an exaggeration if I say my day starts and ends with WhatsApp. Throughout Covid and even now I am in touch with friends, family only and only through WhatsApp. One of my friends kept a WhatsApp status long back - I am not using WhatsApp, WhatsApp is using me🙂🙂 - at times it becomes true if we lose track of time! I want to list few pros and cons of WhatsApp in this post.

Pros of WhatsApp Usage

• WhatsApp connected me with friends all over the globe. It helped in rapid exchange of information and memories.

• In Covid,  WhatsApp was very helpful to find and contact plasma donors, to know about hospital vacancies, food providers, COVID RTPCR testing centers and was a supportive platform to people in many possible ways.✌

• Making audio video calls was never so easy. There are other platforms and apps but WhatsApp is the easiest I feel. In Covid this was the only way to look at faces of your near and dear!💖

• WhatsApp gifs, stickers and memes are very funny and can instantly lift your mood!

a super cute angry baby gif :)

• I love my school group. I feel connected, rejuvenated and also feel like a child again when I am there! I like my daughter's school whatsapp group which is quite handy to know the updates, understand the day to day activities!

• WhatsApp groups  are easy forums to have discussions, just talks, have some fun. They feel like virtual hangout addas.👬👭👫

• We created a whatsapp group just for 2022 A to Z challenge, and the group is a backbone to me whenever I feel like quitting the challenge. We pushed each other and finally have reached the last leg of the challenge. The group helped me with ideas and boosted me when I felt the heat of challenge. I am voice typing most of my posts of the last leg of challenge due to my ailments and the group is the only reason - I am able to continue the challenge. Our group members are:

1.  Deepa - https://fictionpies.com/
2.  Anuradha - https://momandideas.com/
3.  Aparna - https://prernanayak.blogspot.com/
4.  Afshan - http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.com/
5.  Renu Sethi - http://day-to-daystories.blogspot.com
6.  Jayashree - http://pagesfromjayashree.blogspot.com
7.  Ranjana - https://reflection-by-ranjana.blogspot.com/

• A couple of us had to walk out due to time constraints and hurdles. I sorely missed them in this madness! (Hema - https://mytakeoneverything9.wordpress.com/ and Nandana - http://cheerfultornado.blogspot.com/)

PS: Shower some love on the above folks by visiting and reading them when you leave my post 😊💓 Thanks! 

Special thanks to Deepa from https://fictionpies.com/ who lead this initiative and suddenly added me without giving any prior notification😜 but I feel so good that she did it😇. I otherwise would never have done A to Z!

Cons of WhatsApp

• WhatsApp eats away my time! Specially when I have some important deadline to meet, I keep phone silent or away and uninstall the app at times (for digital detoxification). As of now,  I have put phone in airplane mode to finish this post (I am voice typing on phone)😜

• Notifications can be distracting. I mostly mute notifications, specially of groups to save the time. I practiced to check only when I want to!🙆

• Just like any other platform, Whatsapp groups have variety of public. You can find Religion crazy folks,  folks who continuously bombard you with their retail businesses and many other varieties. If I am added in new groups, I mostly stay inactive or walk out!😟

• Dissing gyaan gathered in WhatsApp University - a term coined for all the fake news that is spread via whatsapp.👿

• Some whatsapp statuses suck your energy and can instantly irritate you. Continuous negative or fake statuses, sexist statuses or spreading the mottos like AntiVaxxism or religious chauvinism are some categories! I instantly mute or delete them.😷

• Random video calls without giving any notice. This trend increased in Covid. What if I am checking mobile sitting on commode (OK I do that sometimes for peace, as that is the only me time during TOUGH days 😆) or what if I am in a compromising  situation😨 I DREAD UNPLANNED VIDEO CALLS !

UnChained / UnMachined

Heart does what the heart does. How many of us believe in this ? Well, whether you believe or not, your actions which involve your heart are always fulfilling.

But, in today’s world we are moving in a direction in which everything we do is becoming more and more machine like, monitored, controlled, patterned, and life itself is becoming a mechanical process.

Right from the time we wake up in morning till we fall asleep, we are not driven by the desires of heart but by the monotonicity of the day. In the humdrum of life we are ever forgetting what really our heart wants? We never ask that question!!

As soon as we open our eyes to a new and wonderful day, instead of appreciating and thanking our life, we mechanically scroll through our mobile screens, do our morning chores in anxiety- to which we are used to, we gobble down our breakfast and travel the traffic filled crowded roads to reach offices just in time. We work all day, return home exhausted, have dinner and go back to bed, lying on bed till our eyes are heavy after being glued to mobile screens and.... we finally fall asleep, only to follow the same schedule the next day, the day after and so on…

Then one day we realize that we have stressed ourselves too much and our health as well as mental peace is deteriorating, so in a state of panic we devise a plan which involves a gym membership, or physical exercises, diet plans, yoga and meditation classes and may be a quick vacation.

Now, when you go to gym, the trainer guides you to do so and so exercise counted to a specific number of sets so that your these/those muscles would be built. Eat these many calories and burn these many calories to keep your body the way you want to... he says! Yoga guru would say -  Do  mediation/yoga and you should feel such and such feelings. You start doing all this with diligence as a strict pupil!

And after few days, this all again becomes mechanical. We find ourselves going in circles not reaching anywhere and ever dissatisfied...

Thank You All, Take-aways and Tips (A to Z)

Today I want to just write a Thank you note to all the fellow bloggers who are constantly visiting my blog and reading all my posts which are not quick or easy reads! Writing short and smart posts is a unique talent which I don't have. I have been always reprimanded by my teachers for my lengthy writing. Whenever I write a huge essay - my ma'am would be happy that I did so much research, nevertheless she used to advise to not strain myself during examinations👀. A2Z is no less than an exam 😆. Anyway without drifting away I want to convey thank you from the bottom of my heart for visiting regularly, reading, encouraging me with your genuine comments! I am not taking names of all the blogs/bloggers but thanks to one and all. It is not easy to write, read others, and to respond to comments! Some have done it all. I never replied to comments. I intend to do so soon after the challenge. Due to time crunch I read the comments and I make sure that I visit all your blogs and it has been an invigorating experience! I know there is still last leg of the challenge but I am taking the advantage of letter T to express my thanks!👍💗

Takeaways from A to Z

I have done a to z challenge in the past in 2013 and 2014. However it was easy then as I was not a mother and also was more energetic 😛but now being mother of 5 YO, it is really challenging to take out time - still I managed to come so far, hence I am patting my back😀. I write and read when she is in day care or when she sleeps. I want to list some of my take-aways from the challenge.

• I realised the existence of so many poetic forms through many talented bloggers who inspired me to write my naive poems. Writing or reading poetry makes my heart happy!

• Understood how diligently most of you are working to reach the finishing point of challenge by hook or by crook, which encouraged me on low energy days.

• Those who are writing fiction, hats off to them and those who are writing Flash fictions - it is a talent of another level. Your posts kept me engaged!

• Some of us blogger friends formed a WhatsApp group to keep running the blog marathon. More on it on the W day :)

• I managed to finish reading a long pending book just for a to z.

• I have not been blogging properly from nearly 5 years so A to Z ended my writers block!

• I am knowing people from all the corners of the world. It is always exciting. I treasure so many elaborate comments which make me feel my post is completely read! I would love to stay connected even after a to z.

The summer of April month churned my mind and it is literally hot and happening with a to z.💥

Tips for A to Z participants

I am not an expert but still from my experiences I want to share some tips I followed for a fruitful blogging month.

• If you are really inclined to finish a to z, at least schedule 7 - 8 posts ahead of the challenge in the month of March, suggested by a dear friend Deepa. You won't be exhausted. You can schedule a mix of easy and tough letters!

• Have a to do list ready. If you jot down the topics you would be dealing, it will be lot easier. My WhatsApp group helped me with it.

• There is a popular opinion that if the post is short, it would be read. However I believe if your content connects the readers it would anyway be read.

• If you are very eager to be read (I sure am), make an effort and read others too! I know it's not easy everyday but whenever possible it's good to explore new blogs and always good to payback your visitors!

• Some are here to expand businesses, to promote their products, ideas, share cuisines, and some have no special purpose...but mostly we all want to be read! It helps to build a network, gain specific readers who would like your blog. It's a tricky process. Needs more than a week to identify people who may wanna read you but I think you can find a pattern and form a fruitful network!

• Concentrate on your content, then on its refinement, and then maybe spend time to read others. Don't Rush!

• Spend atleast 30 min - 1 hour for blog hopping. If you have very tight schedule, the minimum you can do is to read who are reading you!

• It is ok to leave a trail - a link of your blog, but first make sure you at least read the post - get a gist of it and leave some relevant and a good comment (not just a "nice post" comment). Blog hopping doesn't mean blog racing. You can be the tortoise 🐢and walk slow rather than being the hare🐇that gets tired and rests!😀

• I made it a habit to leave my blogger link as many blogs are in Wordpress and a wordpress login is always asked😾. I learnt how to leave links properly from Crackerberries!

• For some it doesn't matter if they are read  …that is perfectly ok. We all are primarily here to write and complete the challenge!

• Try not to miss out any letters. It will be too much pressure when you have to handle 2 to 3 letters at once. If you burn out, write something or anything just to close the day. Many of the bloggers have shared their daily anecdotes or just a list of pictures explaining the story behind, which are very honest and fun to read!

• Fix issues on your blog, check settings and everything so that people can easily comment. I had to leave many blogs because of their very tough commenting options!

• No one wants to waste time, so avoid the clutter and focus on your content at least for the blogging month - for easy readability!

• Don't strain a lot! I strained my hand so much 😔(I have carpel tunnel syndrome and cervical spondylosis) that I reduced my reading list and I am using Google mic to voice type this post. It is a real boon!

I want to close by saying thanks again for reading my posts with patience. Thank you all. Wish you a wonderful April.

I am participating in Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022  and this is my Day 20 - 'T' post.

Blogs you may wanna check out:

https://robztobor.blogspot.com/ (new discovery. A gem of a blog)

https://ladyinreadwrites.com/ (bful poetry)

www.lillian888.wordpress.com (honest and engaging topics)

https://artismoments.blogspot.com/ (again brilliant poetry)

S.P. Balasubrahmanyam - A tribute

S.P. Balasubrahmanyam aka SPB or Balu is a predominant play back singer in India, who had been singing since ages majorly in Telugu, Tamil, Kannada, Hindi and Malayalam films. My heart refuses to refer to him in past tense. His death is one of the many shocking deaths during COVID to me. S.P. Balu's voice has that magic to please you, tease you and lift your spirits in no time, or just make you sad in a matter of seconds. He reigned the Tollywood for many decades and I remember listening to him even before I knew much about movies, music or songs! Not just singing , he also does dubbing, mimicry and has acted in many notable films. I realized he has great acting skills too - He acted as dad, as a supporting actor (guest appearance) and also as a main lead in some of the movies.

Breathless singing by SPB - from a movie "O papa Lali"

Among his many movies, some thing I recently watched after his demise - Mithunam stole my heart. I was in tears by the end of the movie both due to the movie premise and also the empty feeling of losing him. You should watch the movie to understand what I am saying. It is the story of an old couple - S.P. Balu and Lakshmi living in a remote village all alone trying to make the most of the last chapter of their lives, missing kids almost every day and dreading the occurrences of any mishaps! The love and bonding of husband and wife is worth watching. SP Balu's voice gave life to all Kamal Hassan's movies dubbed in Telugu. I still don't know how actual Kamal Hassan sounds. I have always heard him only in SPB's magnetic pitch! There is a movie Dasavatharam in which Kamal plays ten roles. I believe SPB has voiced all the ten voices using his mimicry skills. Watch the video below I stumbled on FB recently... He says how he managed the voices (it is in Telugu)! The video is blocked on blogs - You can watch at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo_OZDVsB1g.

SPB is equally adored even in Bollywood. He gave voice to Salman Khan. Sang almost all his 90's songs and it used to perfectly suit Salman. No Indian can ever forget Maine Pyar Kia, Saajan or Hum aapke hain kaun - the block buster hits of 90s, in which SPB sang many beautiful songs. In some reality singing show a singer subtly mocked his Hindi pronunciation as there is a hint of southern accent while uttering few words. Whatever may be the accent, you cannot deny this multi talented legend. His voice can woo a woman, make a child smile, make you feel immensely lively! He has won many awards, rewards, broke records and wiki says he entered Guinness records for singing over 40,000 songs. I majorly heard him in Telugu and I play his songs in one time or other on every waking day! There are many hindi, telugu, and tamil songs which are my favorites but some song which I can remember at this moment in hindi is :

Yesudas and SPB - an energetic show

The combination of him and Ilayaraja or Maniratnam or A.R.Rahman or Yesudas is sure to create magic for the listeners/viewers! It is told that he contracted Covid during a live performance. I really hoped that he should not be effected badly.  Heartbreaking is a less intense word to explain what I felt the moment I heard of his demise. My entire child hood, teen and young years are laced and packed in his tone. He has such a soothing pitch. His voice fits all the stars - language no bar. This is a song he sang explaining the corona situation - https://youtu.be/ovXDz9EP84c (a powerful song. You may play it if you understand Telugu!).

R for RRR movie

RRR is the latest movie by Rajamouli which I watched some days back. It was a historic moment for me, not because the movie is of fictional history genre, but because I sat in a cinema hall after 2+ years of COVID life!💛😊

The movie shows the pre independence era of 1920s and the story is a fictional account of lives of two real freedom fighters  Alluri Seetharama Raju (Ram Charan) and Komaram Bheem (NTR) who have same same but different missions. If I write an honest review, I really can't decide if I liked or disliked the movie. There are few bits I liked and few which felt too much over the top for me. May be it is just the outlandish style of Rajamouli. He is well acquainted with grandeur and cinematic brilliance....however just these are not enough to entice everyone is what I felt. The movie had its grand moments. It was a feast to eyes to see so much action executed with ease and great VFX effects! You would enjoy it if you completely 'suspend your disbelief'. 😯

source : here

The story line is good if you ignore one too many illogical occurrences and some loop holes. Ofcourse viewers/fans argue not to find logic as it is a hyper drama flick. The title RRR means - Rise, Roar, Revolt and some say it is Rage, Revenge, Rampage. The director lays strong foundation to what he intends to show - extreme action, drama, emotions, stunts, energetic dances, and everything laced with patriotism. The opening scene of Ram Charan and even NTR were shot quite eventfully showing Fire and Water as their core elements but some scenes even with good effects felt too funny, like NTR fighting a tiger or Ram Charan fighting a mob of 1000s of people, like he is some super hero. It would have been good if some logic was put in to it like why these two heroes possess so many capabilities?!

There are many other such scenes. I couldn't just believe a scene where they save a boy from fire in the water (again poetically director tried to highlight their core factors). I am sure people who love super hero movies would love the scene! Many other fight scenes where they are performing dramatic stunts could have been justified only if some super natural element was added! However it is Rajamouli we are talking about! If Amarendra Bahubali can climb an elephant or pull a chariot easy peasily, may be these people can do what they are doing!

In a Facebook Movie group I am part of, some people have shared crass comments that the protagonists are "ugly". The movie did receive mixed reviews, but both the actors well played their part.

Q for Quarantined!

After dodging the Covid variants for almost 2 years, I finally fell prey to it in the month of January 2022. Just after the pongal festival in South India where we all had a fun 3 days long weekend, the cases soar high and even I contracted during that time. At first my daughter tested positive and I was actually too nervous as kids are not vaccinated. Our doctor was in quite jovial mood because she felt everyone was getting the Omicron variant and the impact won't be serious. She eased us but I still was panicky. Even if we didn't test positive yet, she said we soon will and asked us to isolate for ten days!

Immediate step was to inform maid and our cook to not come. I only felt it natural to inform the apartment mates, even if maids would have spread the happy news😅. I was actually eager to update my fb and WhatsApp status informing the same. It almost felt like not being the odd ones out! I updated and as expected the concerns poured in... Here's the catch! Every one wants to help by a word or an act but they were not sure what to do and there actually is nothing which can be asked!  The real pain is doing the house chores...and none can help you with that! Second or third day after Zaara got infected I too tested positive - symptoms being super dry cough, throat pain, trembling hands, truck loads of weakness.....still we divided duties among us and swept the house alt days and made very light meals if required. We either ordered or my mom being the angel she is, she just sent the food almost every day ! I was surprised to know that this variant or may be others too can be dormant for as good as 14 days!

By 4th/5th day my spirits were really dampened. I really wanted to go out and feel good. Not that I was living any different.. My entire lockdown life was isolated and I lost interest in socializing but I felt quite suffocated by the quarantine label as people would be scared to be near your house!

Some may actually say this to me : here

The ailments I was facing were also nothing different from what I face now and then, barring the extreme weakness... It is possibly due to chores, I thought. My daughter was our mood lifter and even if feeling week, she continued her games, stories, dances and kept our spirits high! I may not have mentioned earlier but she is quite a passionate dancer, yet to be trained. She finds peace in her moves is what I feel. 

I naturally took leaves at work but I did realize that many people who are mildly infected were working and some workaholics even if badly infected continued to work - may be they are bored or may be they find peace in work but I didn't have that luxury, energy or liberty! Omicron was a huge wave washing over everyone is the soon learned fact by the end of Jan! Every one, even doctors started categorically saying that this is end of the CORONA war. It may accept defeat soon! I felt so relieved to hear it!

Page from the past

Schooling now a days is like an investment. You invest lakhs of money, stay nervous about the child's development and expect a ROI. However during my days, schooling was neither expensive nor a marathon to run. We learnt and studied peacefully. We didn't have extra classes, transitions, tuitions or surprise tests but we did well with whatever resources we had! I completed my education in a Govt School with meagre facilities but enjoyed the school years to the fullest! 

I was a good student in school and I even secured district 1st in 7th standard board exams....I used to win in many essay writing or elocution contests. I was one of the bright students or so I as told by my teachers!

Today on my daughter's blog I want to just share a small incident from my school life. Our school always had surprise inspections by DEO (district education officer) or collectors or some other VIPs who want to come check the students' capabilities and the teachers' abilities to teach them! On one such surprise inspection, we had a sadist inspector who entered the premises only with an agenda to torture students! His presence was no less than an army general and the news of his treatment spread quickly to our class with in minutes after he entered school!

He started posing very tough questions like - "how many languages are there on a rupee note," or " what does the flag of Chile look like?" etc. I never heard or read such things so far. We didn't have the luxury of googling in those days. On present day I wish so badly that if I had a smart phone hidden somewhere in my bag, I could have answered!

The sadist entered our class. We all were trembling with fear. My heart was racing and I didn't even get that tensed during my board exams.  

He selected some last benchers purposely and they were not able to answer a single question!

The head mistress then shifted focus towards me! 

"Sir! She is the brightest student in the class. Top ranker. Please ask her!"

He started his question attack one by one and I suddenly became mute. It was as if I had bitten my tongue and couldn't get a word out :(

The authority kept on mocking, "so Miss Topper you don't even know this?"

As the bombardment continued, I started shivering🥶 and was almost in tears!

In my mind - I was kicking him, tightly slapping him...

In my ten second figment of imagination in a parallel universe - I was the inspector and he the student and I made him face the wrath of my questions!

source : here

Ode to Warriors

Oh! So boring! To live in confines of four walls.

Closed are restaurants, theatres, closed are the malls!

As we cribbed, felt mundane and exasperated by the sudden shift in scene

There were few humans who struggled to save us from the demonic Covid 19!

If soldiers fought at the borders, the frontline workers fought to put us within borders!

To put life at stake for the sake of others lives, they were no less than warriors!

Without caring for their families, they worked day and night...

As we munched and binge watched Netflix, they continued their fight!

Even the laathi charge of Police didn't instill fear in all.

The Lockdown was a break for some, a time to plan a trip with a pal.

Tiny tots understood and tried adjusting to the new routine - a reality that many adults dismissed!

For some, the picture became clear when one after the other, many succumbed.

For many it still is all a hoax, unnecessary panic created by ulterior groups!

Getting exposed to virus is a myth to them, as they dish out gyaan on the WhatsApp statuses!!

To save such, do our Warriors need to suffer and let Covid take a toll?

Is it worth it to get beaten up for asking humans to follow protocol?

A simple concept like social distancing could not be explained to public!

Essential workers toiled day and night to avoid millions of working from home folks from getting sick.

People lost jobs, economies fell flat, tears flowed, miseries spread, death rates increased!

In mid of all this our frontline angels worked 24*7 unflinched !

I couldn't bear when a doctor bid farewell to his family.

How many lives would have been risked while discovering the vaccine, which some felt is silly!

We cannot follow a simple rule, stick to few doable guidelines and we even fight against them!

Rather than thanking all who strived for us, we find it amusing to blame!!

 

The virus had a new political variant, people formed groups, naysayers created uproar!

Our warriors continued their work and flattening the curve was their only chore!

I thank our COVID warriors for bringing us out of lacunae and imbibing a bit of courage to cope.

As I remember them today and everyday, any prayer or a tribute falls short for the real heroes who in our lives, filled hope!

I am participating in Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022 and this is my O post. I am taking up this challenge after many years as I want to talk about Covid life and the daughter diaries!

Some interesting blogs you can visit:

https://brizzymaysbooksandbruschettasite.wordpress.com/

https://lisasgardenadventureinoregon.blogspot.com/

https://reflection-by-ranjana.blogspot.com/

https://thedreamgirlwrites.wordpress.com/