I am writing this letter just to preserve my feelings for you right at this moment. I am sure a mother's love cannot be explained in a manner which can be understood easily! Most of the times I know I am the bad cop at home and you don't like me teaching punctuality or discipline to you, you don't want me to make you sit to do homework, to force you to eat food, and to not allow to play 24*7...but in this letter I just am trying to say what you mean to me and how I feel. The day I felt a part of my soul reunited with me to make me feel life like is, 10-02-2017. When you screamed in the labour room at about 11:10 p.m. after an ordeal of a whole day ( the day started at 3 a.m. 😪)I was relieved! At that moment I was only happy that I was out of pain and and for some reason I was feeling I would have a boy, so when doctors declared that it's a baby girl, my enthusiasm dampened. Don't glare at me🤬. I know everyone who is reading this would frown! The only reason I wanted to have a baby boy is due to the fact that girls have to go through all this - what exactly I was going through... and that moment I really wanted a boy, but the second they placed the baby bundle in my hands, I broke-down. It all played in the back of mind, the struggle to have a child, the troubles I faced those 9 months and everything...As you quizzically looked at me and didn't cry at all...I fell in love with you. We did take many pics but missed that moment. I wish to have captured that inquisitive face filled with question marks. You didn't cry much. There definitely was a hint of anger and I felt may be you sensed that I wanted a boy😄.
|Taken 40 days after birth!|
As we shifted to a normal room, and you kept on cooing and making gurgling sounds …with sparkly eyes and a hint of smile...with zero interest in sleep...the nurses said just in a span of 1-2 days, "the baby is fun, has rapt attention, very observant, and feels like hyper active - we are telling this from our experience," they told. I laughed at their silliness but eventually I felt they were true! You filled such bright hues in my life with your talks, smiles, invented games, songs, dances, silly jokes, stories, paintings, drawings and many other shenanigans! I feel you are braver than me. I cried during your first vaccine shot but you didn't flinch. Seeing other kids crying I was scared but you cried quite nominally! I feel you are strong in all the sick or weak days....I remember some dreadful days and nights when you involved me with your giggles and jokes where as I was super scared ….praying you get well soon! You make friends easier than me. I am glad you are quite opposite in this aspect...yet I observed that you choose those who appeal you quite carefully! They say dance like no body is watching you and I learnt this actually from you!
You gave me courage in Covid by your resilience and ability to smile through worries. Even if we had our low moments you proved to me that whenever the going gets tough, the tough get going! I am not sure if I am the greatest mother but I always try to be your best friend... however I know you have your likings, priorities and favorites. I don't top the list. At times I feel upset but then I realize you are a part of me. We are inseparable whatever may be your choices in life! I feel every day that I can do better and I am not a good mother.
On many low days, you sense something is wrong and give a silent kiss on my forehead , on my cheek....saying "Mom it's ok!" . You have no idea how powerful it feels. It's a funny equation. You suck my energy and also pump it back. I get stumped by your matured 14 year like talks at the age of 4-5. You once told me to cool down, it's just an online class....and that you will answer when your turn comes ! I felt silly and hilarious too. You reprimand me to not accompany you as your friends mock that I am always with you. You behave like a "tween" which surprises me many times. You must have inherited your love for music from me...but just at the age of 5, your moves and expressions are fantastic. Touchwood! Today our A-Z challenge ends. My name starts with A and your name with Z. My day starts with you and ends with you. You complete me....we are like yin-yang ☯️ ! Always be what you are my darling girl Zaara - zingy, zappy, zesty , zazzy and zanny❤️
I wish you achieve what you want, live , laugh, and love abundantly! I wish you health and happiness. I have lot more to say but may be in some other letter on some other day :)
Congrats to all my A-Z mates for being Zealous and reaching the Zenith along with me! Hope you all feel the Zen! Today you deserve to zzzzzzz and then party hard. See ya around! Thanks again to all who generously spent time on my blog and cheered me!
I am participating in Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022 and this is my last post Day 26 - 'Z' post.
|WE ALL DID IT!|