To Mamma Pappa :)

Dear Mama Papa,

As I sit down to write you a letter I am getting puzzled as to what should I actually write. We talk frequently and discuss almost everything, so I am not able to think of the stuff I can jot in this letter. I have a treasure trove of letters due to the letter writing habit inculcated in me by you both. Cannot thank you enough for this. I still remember the long letters we used to fondly write to each other, specially mama's letters - they always brought tears in my eyes. I vividly remember an episode from BTech hostel, where even my friends read mom's letter and cried. It is funny when I think of it now but it was my birthday and I got emotional. You gifted me Norman Vincent Peale's some positive thinking book that day as I was feeling really low. Sorry mom, I don't even remember the title. I never read that book properly. With you both being my pillars of support I never really needed a Norman Vincent or a Dale Carnegie . There were friends at school and at college who used to get awed looking at the bond we share. There were many people who used to barely make the ends meet and struggled to pay even the college and hostel fee. That is when I realized how much you both would have been planning every day to give priority to us and our needs.I still remember running in to papa's open arms during my short hostel stint of intermediate and crying my heart out LOUD bringing tears in Papa's eyes. Those numerous letters in which I was addressed as Dear Afshamma , Achi, Achu- they always make me emotional. You won't believe , I have tears in my eyes even now when I am recollecting all that. I sat in the sprawled lush green lawn of Chaitanya College's hostel and cried and longed to meet you both on the weekend. Letters were read in that hostel before they were declared safe and handed over to us which irked me beyond limits. I fumed when ever I took a letter from the warden. I missed Papa badly. I missed you too mama but I think Papa and me are connected in so many ways. We are photocopies of each other. A quick glance at both of us will obviously make anyone realize that I look exactly like him. When I saw papa during the parents' visit- weekend I came to know that a STRONG man like him can also get very emotional when kids stay away from him. It was a bliss to stay with you for 6 happening years after my 4 years of long hostel life. but I know I dumped all my mood swings, frustrations , temperaments on you both. 6 years got over like they were 6 months!

I used you both as my stress busters but never really acknowledged your worries, ailments or tensions. I don't know if I can say  sorry for this coz I am sure I may repeat doing that even now though not in the same intensity :( .I know my hot hotheadedness some times scares you mom but I also know that  you are very much aware of my sensitivities which are always a counter to my aggression or angst. You always used to say - "Don't spoil the precious moments with your mama papa. Later you may repent." Yes I do repent for not counting my blessings many times but now I am trying to change and relish each day and every moment with you. I guess distance does teach you a lot ! Sorry if I gave you too many tensions during my early twenties. Sorry if I was and am not matured enough during many occasions. Your opinion matters to me. I am independent when I am not with you both. I don't even bother about others' suggestions or decisions when I decide for myself but when I am with you both I always think that with your involvement I can improvise every thing. I can't imagine a life with out you both but I know what you will reply to this. Wherever I go around the globe I will always think of mama when ever I decide to do something and whenever I react to some one and do just like her. When ever I need to organize things I will remember Papa's check list and discipline and do accordingly. When life tries to pull me down I will try to take a break and try to think what papa does when life throws challenges at him. You both work as magic to me. My life has been smooth only due to your intervention and only due to your style of leaving me on my own when you had to!

I miss you every day and every hour and I only want to say that I love you with all my heart though it will never be equal to the amount of love I get from you both. I don't know what else I can write. I am already feeling very emotional today!

I want to add two separate notes for you both.

Mamma,

Please take care of your health. Do not stretch your self. Take care of your knees. Self love is more important than any kind of love. It is my dream to see you fit and fine again. I pray to God every day that your pain lessens and you can walk easily like before. At this juncture please don't give value to worthless people in your life who have stooped down to such low levels that you would never be able to reach them :). You have done more than enough for your kids. I know you will not think before spending every joule of your physical and mental energy for them but they have grown up a lot now. Now you can take a break. Take rest and work towards your goals, how ever small or big they might be. Have a "me" time for sure. Have it every day and do not forget to live for your self for some time every day!

Truck loads of love,
Afshu


Pappa,

The same note goes for you too but along with it, I just want to say- please relax and stay cool. Take a chill pill. I know work is your passion and I pray to God that you work till when ever you want to. *TOUCHWOOD*.  While most of your colleagues have retired and are resting at home, you want to continue your job which is perfectly alright as unlike many you find pleasure in your work. I wish you get success in what ever tasks you take up but do take a break once in a while. Don't travel so much that it impacts your health. Do spend more time with mom every day and do take out time and relive your young days. You were busy through out your 30s and 40s . I want you to loosen up a bit now. Of course decision is yours but my only desire is to see you more at home than in tours or camps!

Take care.
Love you always,
Afshu.

I always used to draw hearts in hand written letters. Hence continuing the age old practice ;)

Image source : here

Meet you soon.
PS: It is so funny to say things to you which you always say to me but a role reversal is good once in a while.
Kisses and hugs,
Afshi.

I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The third in the list is a letter to ‘Your Parents’.

Dear Crush(es)

Dear Huge Crush,

What was it that pulled me towards you ? Was it your writing style ? your neat hair cut? big eyes ? chiseled body? You and me liking the same books? Harry potter topping our lists? What was it that made me chat with you hours together and I yearned for more and more of it ? I can't round on one strong reason which increased my liking towards you :) You came in to my life when work was routine, bench (which means having no work in a software company) ruled my days and blogging became an everyday activity. Thanks to writing which made me feel you are a kin. I can never forget those silly e-mails which we wrote every day which had anything and everything under the sky and some times nothing too! Our topics ranged from what you had in break fast to discussing the complicated love stories of the campus! I cherished those mails.

Do you remember our first meet after many offline and faceless conversations?! I was having butterflies the size of buffaloes in my stomach but it all went smoothly and I was the one who calmed you when you said you were feeling odd to meet me and my friend. I knew I was not in love and I knew our story was just a simple, silly one which has no beginning or an end but unfortunately you did end it and how! I still cannot forget the consequences after our first meet. A dear friend hinted me that I am being silly and I had no slightest chance to be your "special interest", "crush" or whatsoever it is. Thanks to her. She imbibed sense in me and showed me proofs which neatly burst the bubble of my imagination :) But one thing I never understood is, why were you such a sissy ? Why did you suddenly stop talking to me after that day and after having too many conversations? Why did not you happily admit that you had a thing for some one else and just because of that you won't be able to talk normally with so many other friends around you? I am not your elder sister or mother to object. I would have appreciated the fact more if you just disclosed it to me, like you do it to friends. C'mon, it is not a bollywood movie to shed tears or sing sad songs. Once you started ducking and hiding and avoiding, in a minute everything vanished - the good feeling , warmth, charm and everything. I came to know about your secrets which you were trying very hard to keep under the wraps but most of your secrets became open. Thanks to the endless efforts of few people- I always came to know them :) I feel good that rest of the less known secrets remained secrets (of course my imaginations do soar high when I think about them).

By the end of the last and the brief encounter with you, I realized that crushes are good only when we don't have any expectations and for sure know the limitations that nothing is gonna brew between us. For instance my forever crush - Shahrukh Khan- I was never disappointed by him. Nagarjuna- my child hood crush, Tom Hanks (one more big crush but I hate him for You have got a mail movie which made me extra mushy), Robert Langdon (A bookish crush), Bradley Cooper,Harry potter, Fred/ George Weasley, K.K., A.R. Rahman - the list will go on and I keep renewing it. They always come to my rescue on a crappy day. There are many men other than the celebrities who possess one or the other inspiring quality in them but it is always good to admire them from a distance.  When you get more near to them It is not easy to catch the thin line between crush-mush and friendship. Before deleting I checked that we have exchanged exactly 100 e-mails. The e-mail exchange seems like the silliest thing to do, when I think of it now. I wish you don't behave like a sissy and come out in open when you choose the love of your life. I am 100% sure that you have already chosen one! I wish you and the chosen one live happily ever after.

You do know I crack pathetic jokes. Today's PJ is playing candy crush is better than having you as my crush :P As and end note, for the sake of old days I dedicate you the note below. This is what I ultimately feel about you :)

image source : here

PS: I Loathe you.  
   Afshan.

I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The second in the list is a letter to ‘Your Crush’.

Dear I.N.,

Dear I.N.,

It is sad that I have to actually talk to you via my blog and a 30 day letter challenge. You very well know that I never believed in making or being a "best" friend. When every one in school already have chosen the list of their "best" friends I felt silly. To me friend is a friend. Sometimes I had good friends but mostly I never opened up much and used to live in my own shell. I belonged to no one and no one belonged to me. You always loved my company and I always felt positive in your company. I never realised that I wanted you to be my special friend in my subconscious mind till we went to a trip during our Xth standard to Hyderabad. The helluva time we had, the hardships we faced, the cold water baths we had to take early in the morning and my non-stop earthquake like laughter which used to make you so happy will always be remembered by me. You had your personal challenges and upheavals. That was the time when I missed you a lot when I couldn't see you around much. We got more and more close with each passing day. When you really wish to do some thing the universe conspires to help you. Your house was just a stone's throw away from mine and it became a ritual to see each other every day :)

We even share our first common crush ;) - Do you remember that handsome Muslim guy who was your neighbor ? The college guys who stayed in the rooms on your terrace , the rainy evenings we spent studying less and chatting away to glory, your mum's coffee, our cycle races, a herd of buffaloes or pride of pigs blocking our way and me cursing them in English and you laughing like you just lost it and every one on the road eyeing at us, like we are two weird creatures out of the zoo, our secrets , gossips , ambitions , heart breaks - all these surface in my mind like they happened yesterday when I think of you.

Not even a day went by with out talking to you. In hostel we used to talk regularly and write letters to each other too. I have your in-land letters preserved in my same old file. I always wished I had half the courage you had. I remember how easily you explained geometry to me. Do you remember in 2005 some time we discussed college, girls , boy friends and how every one was making one and you and me are always left out :( ? Then didn't we decide that if we don't get suitable BFs we the BFF's (best friends forever) can make a great pair. I remember walking in the corridor at 11 PM in the night talking over phone with you and laughing loud. Time flew. We grew and life came in between us. Our friendship larger than life was always with me but I just was not able to be in touch with you. We occasionally spoke over phones till 2009 after you left for the U.S.A. but after that you just got lost in nothingness.

Where the hell are you I.N.? You don't even have a frigging idea that I am blogging a lot from all these years. I am inquiring with whom ever I know to know your where abouts. Your e-mail id and number also are not working. I am hoping miraculously some one passes this blog link to you and you get back to me. If you do not get back to me, remember I am breaking up with you once for all :( You were,are and will always be with me in spirit !

Love you loads.
Missing you a lot . Hope we talk to each other soon :)

P.S. I.N. Deepthi is my school friend. We always called her with initials as we had two Deepthis in our class. She is my special friend and no one took her place till date. I realized I like her a lot more than I thought I did only after my schooling when we stopped meeting each other. Hoping that on some day we might just meet :)

I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The first in the list is a letter to ‘Your Best Friend’.

Thanks to Shail and Nandana. Was drawn to this prompt coz of their letters - Dear Best Friend and Dear N