When I Think Loud!

When ever I think loud Facebook comes to my rescue more than my blog. The fad for FB will never fade. I don't use twitter much and hence I am not sure about the good / bad feel embedded in those 140 characters and they always fall short when I have some emotional thought to share ;)  .I was and am used to Facebook and it is interesting and amusing to see the queue of comments whenever anyone posts their opinions or thoughts. It feels good to see that some are nodding at it. It also feels good to see that some one else has an equal and opposite reaction to yours :)

All in all thoughts are food for FB and FB is food for thoughts. At least to me it has been like that so far and that is the reason I love FB more and hate it less!

Coming to Project 365's prompt, today the first thought I had today morning which I posted on facebook is below. In fact I had this thought the night before.

Afshan Khan feeling grumpy

"If having emotions in right amounts and projecting them in the right direction is an art, having over emotions and bombarding them in all directions is like a fart and having "NO EMOTIONS" is both art and a fart as it possesses the art of accelerating the fart !"

Yes I was feeling grumpy due to few experiences and I had to post this awesome line on FB. You may just feel it mediocre but I felt that this quote by me is the awesomest when I compare it with all other quotes I penned till now! It is one of those haphazard thoughts which bother and bicker you till you write it down! Writing is like nirvana sometimes. I wonder the way it relieves me. At least for a short span of time I feel like I conquered the thought and can celebrate my grand victory. It is amusing how the pen comes to rescue when a man can't ;-) 

Coming to the thought I had it is not a thought which formed in my mind overnight. It is some thing which is bothering me from many years. I can't really recollect when the first seed of that thought germinated in my mind. It might be when I saw a class mate who was beaten up by her own parents as she was not studying well during my primary school days or when I saw a standard grumpy expression a class teacher used to have no matter what happened. Even if you tickle her she will not laugh. She is like that live statue in the VGP Golden beach of Chennai. You tickle him, poke him, crack a joke, whatever you do your efforts will go futile. He is the living man statue. Golden beach is an awesome place to hang out. Don't forget to visit if you go to Chennai!

 

VGP man's statue at chennai

Emotion and expression go hand in hand. Even if you are feeling some thing, if you can't express it, then your emotion is as good as NO EMOTION! The emotional quotient of few people is standard. It will not budge however hard you try where as few people have an interesting statistics of emotions. They are emotional chameleons who are happy and cheerful one second and grumpy and gloomy the next second. They will praise you to skies one second and when you are not in the frame they don't give a hoot to reveal news about you to others. The EQs of people can be seen every day in the form of their status messages on face book or in the form of their tweets and so on so forth as this is the only medium which is easily accessible but most of the times it can be deceptive too as people may not update something they really and actually feel on FB or on any medium which is accessible by all!

As far as my emotional intelligence is concerned I am also strong sometimes and weak some other times like any other human being but there are few moments when others' emotions control mine. If I am not getting a reaction I wish to get from the other person who is pretty close to me I become weak. I lose all my senses and I become fartoholic err I mean over emotional :) I don't understand the unresponsiveness of folks around us , who are pretty close to us and whom you think you can take for granted for most part of your life but truly and absolutely we cannot take anyone for granted. We can only bombard them with our thoughts and use our authoritative tone but we can never guess what is truly going on in their mind. No one wants to  be taken for granted. Not your kids, not even your mom or dad or your bestest friend! I can sense few people nodding in agreement and few others shaking their heads in disagreement!! 

I know most of us have those 3 O clock friends, a lovely spouse, a beautiful family but at few junctures every one goes in to a self-operational mode where they have no time, patience or energy to think about any thing else! May be they are fighting some demons which we are not aware of. May be they are tired and just need time for themselves. I am really not sure of the reason but all I know is to let them go and concentrate on resolving the issue all by myself. Sometimes we have to forget our expectations. We cannot rub them on a person who for sure has a different view of the whole scenario!

Get up and get going. Fine tune your mind to avoid friction in the relation ship with your spouse/ boy friend / girl friend or the bestest friend!

• You want him/ her to listen to you but he/she is not listening. You please stop talking. I am sure there is some one else who might be a good listener. NEVER lose other FRIENDS.
• You are waiting for a reaction but not getting one and you don't get one even after expressing it. Stop expressing. At least try. Clinging to some one emotionally is something which makes any one instantly weak.
• You like some thing and he/she doesn't like the same thing. IT IS OK. You both are neither cloned nor from the same gene pool.
• You feel your demands are silly and can be easily met. He/ she might be thinking your demands are unusual.
• You feel he/ she is insensitive and non-emotional . He or she might be feeling you are unreasonable and illogical! 

Saying is easy, doing is hectic. Yeah, I know but rather than being mum, speaking out sometimes gives the strength to try! Lastly I want to share a fun quote by Aunty acid. If you don't know who she is - go to AuntyAcid.
You will love the page.

That's all. I don't want to rant much and spoil your day. Sorry for this cribbing post but I had to write all this as this is the first ,second and the last thought I seem to be having today. Some times we need to talk to ourselves and my blog is the only clear and louder way of communicating to my self on any given day :)

Thanks for bearing with me. My stint with Project 365 ends here. It was a great experience. Feels good that I am writing the last post for February! Thanks to all of you. Thank you Rekha for inviting me and thanks Jairam, Sid and Sakshi. Special thanks to Sid for clarifying my doubts and guiding me when ever I asked. Wish to write along with you guys some other time. Till then rock on. I love this initiative!

[This post is written for the Project 365 program at We Post Daily aimed at posting at least once a day, based on the prompts provided. I am the guest author for the month of February. The prompt for today is  First light - "Tomorrow morning, jot down the first thought you have upon waking, whether or not it’s coherent. Remember yesterday, when you wrote down the first thought you had this morning? Great. Now write a post about it. "]

"Why so serious!?"

Image source: here

I am not sure if my face is like an “agony aunt’s” or I seem to be an “astute listener” but some times I come across some weird situations which involve people who are so serious that it gets humorous at few junctures! We all know the joker's funny dialogue from the Dark Knight - "Why so serious?" I also think of smirking in an idiotic way when ever I come across few serious people! I  want to narrate few anecdotes from my own life here.

Scene-1

I was inside the lift in my old apartment. Light was dysfunctional . It was blinking continuously.The maintenance paid by the residents never goes in the right direction and the lifts are not spacious like the office lifts . They are cramped, shabby and dark and only 4 can fit with lot of difficulty.
When the automatic door was about to get closed, a lady in mid 30s entered with thoughtful/confused/dazed look on her face and gazed at me with those mingled expressions. She seemed to be a Trelawney to me. The door got closed. She fumbled for buttons pressed 3 different buttons--  3,4,5 . I ignored and pressed 2. She immediately turned to me.
 
Trelawney: “What do you do if someone teases you in lift?”

Me: “Pardon!?" (stars on my head of course)

Trelawney: “I mean there is even no light in this lift! What to do if some one misbehaves? What if some one touches you or grabs you from behind?”

I shuddered at the thought. I instantly pictured a scene from some horror movie where a man in black stabs the lady with a knife as soon as the lift opens.

Me : “No. (in my mind it was a "Noooooooo.") At least in this apartment nothing of that sort will happen. Wait. Did it happen to you any time?”

Lady: “No . The whole 5th floor is full of spoiled brats. They keep playing Xbox, put the music player on full volume , get drunk , and obviously travel in the lift. What if one of the sturdy guys does it?  I just got scared by the thought, that’s it.”

Oh god! Sturdy guy does what?This lady is scaring me now with her what-ifs !?!Obviously lift stopped at 2nd floor but I was still talking to her.

Me: “No ! I don’t think any of them will do it and any way in the time you use lift I feel they won’t be using it. They come back very late in night I heard!”. Some how her dreamy troubled look made me utter these words. I was surprised by myself.

Trelawney, finally managed a weak smile and still looking dreamily at me uttered a meek thanks and the doors got closed. I smiled to myself and walked towards our flat!

Scene-2

I was checking the watch and hurriedly completing the last round of my morning walk. I got up late and had to catch the bus in the next 30 min. I was walking in the apartment compound like I daily do. At the park, near the swing I was about to take a turn where a very old man with head full of grey hair carrying a basket which had 4 heritage milk packets and news paper stopped me all of a sudden . 

I could almost hear the "screeeeeeeeeech" sound when we apply sudden break to the Pulsar vrooming in jet speed and I stopped just a feet away from the old man! Adidas has a strong cushion and I didn't topple over him. I unplugged my I-pod to listen to why he stopped me!?

Old man : “Don’t mind.I daily see you walking this side!”

I had a so-what kind of look on my face.
 
Old man : “ I actually wanted to ask you some thing!”

I thought he may ask some kind of favor like you see in those 60s' or 70s' melodramatic movies to read a letter for him , or buy something for him or some other similar help.

I nodded as if to go on and not to make me wait. I was already getting irritable but counting the number of grey hairs on his head I controlled my impatience.
 
Old Man:  “Actually do you know in which direction earth revolves?”

What the eff? Of all things in the world you stopped me to ask this! I don’t know about earth's revolution but I felt  a galaxy around my head.

Me(suppressing the anger): "I didn't get you!"

Old man: “Listen beta! Earth revolves around the sun in counter clockwise direction and you are walking in counter clock wise direction. Ideally you have to walk in clock wise direction. It is scientifically good and I can prove that to you.”

Well, I am really not good at physics or electromagnetic effects and I was in no mood to recollect what I was taught in school or college. I gave a puzzled look at him and said,“ Ya ! Actually fine. Thanks for the suggestion. But I have to  go now. I am getting late for office.”

Old man: “ No no! Listen .You do not understand the importance of it. You youngsters usually don’t try knowing the reasons. Whatever you do is going to dogs. No use even if you walk.

What the heck :( :( . This old man has lot of free time.

I was dancing tip toe unable to decide whether to go or not. I was thinking to myself will it be rude if I just make a move.

OM: “Even if you sleep in this direction it’s not good for health or prosperity and bad omens will haunt you.”

Ya this bit of info I felt is true as by that time I felt one omen is for sure haunting me!

Old man/ Omen : “Do you go to temple?”

Me : “NO!”

OM: “If you go you will know the reason even better actually.”

I was trying hard to not bang my head .

Me: “Sorry but I really don’t have time for all this. I will miss my bus. So c ya”

OM: “Ya ya ma! Sorry! You are like my daughter so just letting you know."( I have lot-of-free time and no one to prey, so eating your head).

OM: "Please walk in clock wise direction ma!".

Me: “OK,” and I left with out turning my head . When I was about to take one more turn I gave a side glance and saw that OM was preying on one more lady who was looking at him as if he escaped from mental hospital.

I respect old people! I don’t want to be rude at them. So I stood for 5 long minutes and listened to what he had to say. But do they understand that preaching too many things to youngsters and giving free advice to strangers is not fair?

PS: I remembered Kareena's "Kyu ki chiller nai hai mere paas scene" from Jab we met!

Scene-3

This was in my office while eating the Prism biryani. Prism is not a biryani cuisine. Prism caterers were pretty famous in the office I used to work earlier.

After a long time I went humming to food court , took the 50/- token and without even looking at the surroundings I straight away headed to the PRISM biryani counter. The taste is  not exotic but when nothing is exciting around food is the best possible thing to be excited about.

I told him,  “Bhayya thoda spicy chahiye.”

Vendor: “ OK.” 

As there was no crowd he took his own sweet time to decorate the plate with some good pieces and stretched his hand to give away the hot steaming plate of biryani to me which I happily took from him.

It was sharp 12 so food court was almost empty. I occupied the nearby table and after enjoying the sight of biryani(yes I do enjoy the sight of biryani too) I called my friend who was on the way.

I was about to put a morsel of steaming rice and chicken in my mouth when a person came and stood in front of me.

X: “Sorry to interrupt madam! How do you feel about the food?”

I thought to myself: "Now who is this alien who has come as a haddi between me and my biryani !”

Thinking so I gave back a confused look at him.

X:  “I am actually PRISM’s manager and I am taking feedback from every one.”

I looked around and sighed as no one had a damn biryani plate with them.

I gave a vague smile at him and nodded.

X: “Can you please give the feedback about the quality of biryani, how they are serving and other details? We want to know the level of customer satisfaction."

Me: “Ya. It is good !” (I was only concentrating on shooing him away as I didn't want biryani to cool down.)

X: “ No mam! Please tell us if  you have any complaints. We are here to serve you better.”

It seemed like he was waiting from a week to blurt these lines and he couldn't hunt any till now to use them.

Me: "Well. At times even after giving my specifications I don’t get good pieces and biryani is not hot some times" ** I looked longingly at my biryani which was cooling down:-(**
 
X:” Oh ! What happens na mam, when there are too many people, at times it gets tough.” He explained leisurely.

Me: “Ya. I understand." Saying so I again tried to eat.

X: “But next time if you feel that you didn't get good pieces feel free to return the plate and take another mam.”

Now how will  I  know that with out digging in to my biryani ?!

Me: “hmm OK!”  and I started eating...

X: “ Please tell me if any other complaints mam!”

Me: “ You serve only biryani . Yours is not a 5 star hotel that I keep on complaining about your service that water is not chilled enough, AC is not on or waiters are not polite. Can you buzz off so that I can have my biryani?”

Well I thought of saying this. But ended up saying , “NOTHING AT ALL!”

X:” Please note down whatever you told in the complaint book mam. We have a meeting actually daily evening by 5 and as am the MANAGER (he stressed on it) , I will let all know that they note down the specifications of the customers.”

Oh boy that’s the limit ! Now I was irritated! Even in the midst of irritation I remembered the Cleaning manager of ANGREZ.

I started eating totally ignoring him.

X: “Sorry to interrupt you while eating mam . Really sorry. Your good name mam?!”

Any thing to kick him out of the arena . 

Me : “Afshan.”

X: “Oh! Nice name Mam. Where are you from?”

I have put the spoon down and asked, “ Why !? Do we have to write even that in the book?” with sarcasm mingled with glare!

X: “No! Simply mam. Please write the feedback.” Saying so he left.

After biryani I didn't bother about the feedback.

Next day I went with different girls to the same food court and I had my box that day. Another girl took something from the same prism. Roti and  chicken I guess and we started eating.

To my horror X was standing just opposite to me and shouting: “ MAM ! MAM!!” 

I called my friend whose back was facing him(the one having food court ka khaana): “ Hey. I guess he is calling you.”

She turned around. He pointed me and told: “ I am calling that madam!”

Shit!

Me:  "Ya!??!"

X: “You didn't write feed back in the book mam.”

Rest of the girls were suppressing giggles. I was feeling funny and mad too.

Me: “ I forgot . Will do it.”

X: “ Please do it . I checked it yesterday mam." He replied with a super Chipmunk grin!

What the F!

I gave the feedback without fail in some notebook downstairs .My friends told  that he was observing if we were writing or not and she advised to add in feedback “PRISM manager tortures a lot by asking continuously for feedback” but I chucked the thought as I didn't want him to haunt me again!

In sabki #ConditionSeriousHai aur seriousness contagious hai. Isiliye aise logon se bachke raho , hosaketo unko 5 star khilaao, haso aur hasao!

This post is submitted for Indiblogger's    #ConditionSeriouHai contest.
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"Half Piece of Ass!"

Here it is ,yet again the day when I remember a Telugu comedy movie Money  where the villain KotaSrinivasa Rao says “Same card . Same story. Only names different” – when a person comes to invite for his wedding! Do watch that hilarious scene. Those were the days when Ram Gopal Varma was not that serious about film making and used to make many master pieces and humorous films. Money is one such film. 

 Anyway coming back to seriousness ,at office as and when the much awaited hike letters arrive the much unwanted analysis follows. I can see people clapping around my cubicle. Some are distributing sweets. Some are feverishly using the calculator option for a long time on their phones/ laptops / desktops, hoping to see a changed equation and a big number at least the third time they calculate it . Some people give a treat , some stay indifferent , some are over joyous , some just discuss among themselves . If some announce their achievement in a high pitched tone, some sulk at their not so great hikes! 

But in midst of all this there will be one and only person who can be named as HPOA— “Hugely possessing the  Over smart attitude” . Where ever he goes, whatever he does he will not miss a chance to poke his nose around and to shoot questions at people and bug and bother them till he gets a response. Even if people shoo him away he doesn't care. He would patiently wear a fake smile and try to get a response till his last ounce of sweat and blood are used in this effort. These are few traits of HPOA. Let me explain what exactly happens when he approaches a bunch of colleagues randomly!

I don't own this image. It is googled and modified by me

He will go to person x.

HPOA: “ Hey what's your hike % ?”

X : “Not much.”

HPOA: “Tell na yaar! Every one has got less. There's no harm in revealing right!?”

X: “ 10 %”

HPOA: “Oh My God! That’s it! You know Nag? He joined 6 months after you joined. How come he got a role change and more hike and you did not get?”

X was boiling by now. He responds,  “Ask him”!

HPOA : “Don’t worry ! You will also get it soon or else try hard and shift no?"

X : “What is your hike % ?”

HPOA:  "Not much yaar . Just 12%."

X: “ You know Reshma. She joined as a lateral and has less experience than you and her CTC is much better than yours." Replied X with a sly smile.

HPOA Walks away but this dirty business of mocking each other starts running in each other's blood that moment!

HPOA Goes to person Y.

HPOA: “ Hey. You got a role change?”

Y: “Nope.”

HPOA: “ You should ask your manager and fight yaar. You shouldn't sit silent.”

Y : “ I have asked. There are too many in queue he says!"

HPOA: “ Then go to SPM or DM.”

Y: “ See. It's allright. I am fine. If I want to go , I will go."

HPOA: “Arey. Don’t get frustrated. There are lot many opportunities outside. Try your luck.”

Y: “ I was not frustrated till you started suggesting sir.”

HPOA giggles and walks out.

And now HPOA goes to a lady.  Let's name her Z.

HPOA: “ Hey Z! Wow . what a nice dress you are wearing yaar!”

Z : “Hmm. Thanks.”

HPOA: “You seem low! What happened ? Don’t tell me it is about hike!"

Z: “ Yes, it is the reason.”

HPOA : “ Come on. How does that bother you?! Your would be is in ABC company and he will any way bring lot of fortune to you . You can just sit back and relax.”

Z: “ I can’t. Actually I gave my best this appraisal cycle. Still it went to dumps!”

HPOA: “Oh! Come on dear. Come. Let's just forget it and celebrate. Lets go to Coffee day!”

Z still sulking replies: “No I am not interested.”

HPOA: “ Oh. Come on! Don’t be a spoil sport. OK. I will take you to a new restaurant which recently started in Banjara hills and then some shopping! OK? "

Z : “ Yep fine! Great idea. Chalo and ya I am not bringing my card. It is your treat right ?!!”

She hit him just under the belt.

HPOA (gulping) : “ Yep!”

So HPOA’s big nose can never hesitate from smelling what's cooking in the neighbors broth.

When ever hikes are announced, I remember Raju Srivastava (a stand up comedian’s interview) when he was voted out of BigBoss !

Amitabh asked him : “You are so jovial , fun loving but still people didn't like you to such an extent that you got a chance to stay back for some more days.”

Raju : “I am a jovial person. I can create fun atmosphere. But I can't express the immense happiness or joy like many are doing there. When BigBoss sends us dal and some chaawal  I feel content and enjoy my dish but I am not so serious about it. I  don’t dance and party shouting, "Hey dekho daaaaaaal aagaya ! Chaawal bhiii ! Thank You big boss. Thanks a ton!" "May be I didn't qualify at all to join the clan." He said.  I don't want to debate on why he was voted out and who was actually HPOA -- the other residents or Raju but yeah I loved his reply and if dal chawal is a hike there can be variety of reactions !

Over celebration of one’s joy is fine but over celebration, highlighting other person's defects is a demonic feature which few like HPOA possess. This condition is seriously serious! Its a must to learn to ignore such HPOAs or shoo them away or trap them in response or shut your mouth, because WHEN YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT IT IS BETTER TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH as reacting to them or sulking more will lead to the victory of HPOAs!

This post is submitted for Indiblogger's    #ConditionSeriouHai contest.

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