Sunday, February 23, 2014

"Half Piece of Ass!"

Here it is ,yet again the day when I remember a Telugu comedy movie Money  where the villain KotaSrinivasa Rao says Same card . Same story. Only names different” – when a person comes to invite for his wedding! Do watch that hilarious scene. Those were the days when Ram Gopal Varma was not that serious about film making and used to make many master pieces and humorous films. Money is one such film. 

 Anyway coming back to seriousness ,at office as and when the much awaited hike letters arrive the much unwanted analysis follows. I can see people clapping around my cubicle. Some are distributing sweets. Some are feverishly using the calculator option for a long time on their phones/ laptops / desktops, hoping to see a changed equation and a big number at least the third time they calculate it . Some people give a treat , some stay indifferent , some are over joyous , some just discuss among themselves . If some announce their achievement in a high pitched tone, some sulk at their not so great hikes! 

But in midst of all this there will be one and only person who can be named as HPOA— “Hugely possessing the  Over smart attitude” . Where ever he goes, whatever he does he will not miss a chance to poke his nose around and to shoot questions at people and bug and bother them till he gets a response. Even if people shoo him away he doesn't care. He would patiently wear a fake smile and try to get a response till his last ounce of sweat and blood are used in this effort. These are few traits of HPOA. Let me explain what exactly happens when he approaches a bunch of colleagues randomly!

I don't own this image. It is googled and modified by me

He will go to person x.

HPOA: “ Hey what's your hike % ?”

X : “Not much.”

HPOA: “Tell na yaar! Every one has got less. There's no harm in revealing right!?”

X: “ 10 %”

HPOA: “Oh My God! That’s it! You know Nag? He joined 6 months after you joined. How come he got a role change and more hike and you did not get?”

X was boiling by now. He responds,  “Ask him”!

HPOA : “Don’t worry ! You will also get it soon or else try hard and shift no?"

X : “What is your hike % ?”

HPOA:  "Not much yaar . Just 12%."

X: “ You know Reshma. She joined as a lateral and has less experience than you and her CTC is much better than yours." Replied X with a sly smile.

HPOA Walks away but this dirty business of mocking each other starts running in each other's blood that moment!

HPOA Goes to person Y.

HPOA: “ Hey. You got a role change?”

Y: “Nope.”

HPOA: “ You should ask your manager and fight yaar. You shouldn't sit silent.”

Y : “ I have asked. There are too many in queue he says!"

HPOA: “ Then go to SPM or DM.”

Y: “ See. It's allright. I am fine. If I want to go , I will go."

HPOA: “Arey. Don’t get frustrated. There are lot many opportunities outside. Try your luck.”

Y: “ I was not frustrated till you started suggesting sir.”

HPOA giggles and walks out.

And now HPOA goes to a lady.  Let's name her Z.

HPOA: “ Hey Z! Wow . what a nice dress you are wearing yaar!”

Z : “Hmm. Thanks.”

HPOA: “You seem low! What happened ? Don’t tell me it is about hike!"

Z: “ Yes, it is the reason.”

HPOA : “ Come on. How does that bother you?! Your would be is in ABC company and he will any way bring lot of fortune to you . You can just sit back and relax.”

Z: “ I can’t. Actually I gave my best this appraisal cycle. Still it went to dumps!”

HPOA: “Oh! Come on dear. Come. Let's just forget it and celebrate. Lets go to Coffee day!”

Z still sulking replies: “No I am not interested.”

HPOA: “ Oh. Come on! Don’t be a spoil sport. OK. I will take you to a new restaurant which recently started in Banjara hills and then some shopping! OK? "

Z : “ Yep fine! Great idea. Chalo and ya I am not bringing my card. It is your treat right ?!!”

She hit him just under the belt.

HPOA (gulping) : “ Yep!”

So HPOA’s big nose can never hesitate from smelling what's cooking in the neighbors broth.

When ever hikes are announced, I remember Raju Srivastava (a stand up comedian’s interview) when he was voted out of BigBoss !

Amitabh asked him : “You are so jovial , fun loving but still people didn't like you to such an extent that you got a chance to stay back for some more days.”
Raju : “I am a jovial person. I can create fun atmosphere. But I can't express the immense happiness or joy like many are doing there. When BigBoss sends us dal and some chaawal  I feel content and enjoy my dish but I am not so serious about it. I  don’t dance and party shouting, "Hey dekho daaaaaaal aagaya ! Chaawal bhiii ! Thank You big boss. Thanks a ton!" "May be I didn't qualify at all to join the clan." He said.  I don't want to debate on why he was voted out and who was actually HPOA -- the other residents or Raju but yeah I loved his reply and if dal chawal is a hike there can be variety of reactions !

Over celebration of one’s joy is fine but over celebration, highlighting other person's defects is a demonic feature which few like HPOA possess. This condition is seriously serious! Its a must to learn to ignore such HPOAs or shoo them away or trap them in response or shut your mouth, because WHEN YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT IT IS BETTER TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH as reacting to them or sulking more will lead to the victory of HPOAs!

This post is submitted for Indiblogger's    #ConditionSeriouHai contest.

Do visit the cadbury5star FB page when you are here. Watch the cool ad below.


  1. Great post! I was wondering if you feature guest postings. Thanks and have a great day!

    1. I have never done that before but won't mind doing it :)
      If you want to share something do let me know Sage Harman. Thanks for your time here

  2. Haha.. :D I know many such ppl.. who just want to make u feel worse abt anything and everything. . Better to just avoid them.. :)

    1. Ya ! U daily come across them no ?
      Ya I am always a spectator luckily due to my minimal proximity with people in and around office

  3. HPOA is a lol! This one is really a too good of post Afshan!

  4. HPOA!!! Hope it serves him right rather than poking nose in other people's matters. It's a very nice and fun post, Afshan:) Ask me bout it and there are so many nuts like that:)

  5. Oh dude ! We all know such people.Well written!

  6. nice post..... iloved it when " z" used hid trick......


What do you think about this ? I always love to hear back. A comment or a brickbat boosts me to write more but the mud slinging shall be promptly vacuumed.

Thanks for your time :)

"When God Spoke to Me!"

Is it for the love of God, you do what you do? Or is it your hunger to wake up something sleeping within you? What do you mean to do with th...