Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Love Vs Arranged Marriage[ Some discrepancies and many similarities]

Love Vs Arranged Marriage

You might have come across many  8 Marks questions like compare this and that and differentiate between that and this while in School. Well, the below table is a very interesting differentiation table which compares two seemingly different aspects  and the happenings in India which are same same but different but the end result is always the same. .. An age old topic on which we can discuss till our last breath and may be write essays and essays. Tried to make it short and hope it makes sense to at least few. Read on and share your views too J

Note: Other than toondoo cartoons rest all images are googled. I DONT OWN them. Please click 
on the image for a better view.

The below differences are listed out taking majority in to count. There might be other minor possibilities too
Love marriage
Arranged Marriage
Every thing seems simple here. Nothing seems like an issue initially except the girl and the boy falling for each other (Some times few beneficial reasons ,some times no specific reason). Some times they get married even before they realise that they are doing so and some times it takes ages to tie the knot and some times due to few obstacles and hastiness people jump in to conclusions and break up
Every thing seems complex here. Girl , Girl's parents , Boy , Boy's parents, Grandparents , Girl's aunt, boy's aunt and if possible including Ramu Kaaka every one should like each other . At times they realise they are two logger heads and cannot live together and break up. Sometimes if marriage doesn’t work parents keep on pressurising to make it work
Both girl and boy should persuade their parents and if needed raise voice against them
image courtesy: Google
Both parents if they are not willing raise voice against their girl / boy even if they like each other . If the parents like the boy/girl its very likely that the boy/girl dont like each other. Parent kid likes vary many times and there is no strong reason to go against each one’s decision because its after allARRANGEDmarriage

It is decided in 6months or 1year to be precise after both like each other or some times even shorter duration of knowing each other over a chat or on facebook .If there are no caste / Money/ creed / breed / state/ age / region/ religion / boundaries there is a faster wedding . Unfortunately if such differences exist it may take a long time to persuade parents
It is decided after thorough research analysis and pros and cons of 2yrs min and 5yrs max after most of the qualities like financial soundness/ same caste / creed/ region etc are met and they feel they have known it all just going through FB or blogs :D
There are pre and post match fixing phases in an arranged marriage. Below shows one phase. In post Phase either of the parties expects the other to like any thing and every thing they post

There is no dowry thingy here unless until parents are  cribbing for it and most of the times wedding happens against parents will so there are very less chances that the question of dowry rises but some times financial aid given by parents is LOT MORE THAN DOWRY as Love birds hurried for marriage and have more MONEY issues than HONEY issues :P . If both parties are rich,its all about money and a happy wedding .Both sides give some thing away to flaunt the level of the riches!
There might be a dowry or might not be.Some times boys are big hearted and are strictly against dowry thing. Most of the times dowry is by default and even it is important part of the marriage deal. If the boys parents have 1 crore property they ask how much they can get directly proportional to that!! (for some one who is already having a pot belly gained on account of heaps of properties why should some one give more money? ?). If both  parties are rich its all about money and a happy wedding .Both sides give some thing away to flaunt the level of the riches!

Its an achievement to make parents agree for the wedding
It is THE Biggest achievement to get every ones consent for wedding. (It mostly doesnt happen)
There is no need to be in confusion as there is only one girl or boy whom you loved and you have no option left once you commit strongly :P
There is a sea of options and you get drowned in it easily and you always feel some thing better will come till options slowly get drained and you rush for the wedding
Girl might or might not be beautiful . There is some charm (?)which attracts both. Boy might or might not be good looking . He might or might not be financially ahead of the girl . Some times its even ugly boy bful girl and handsome boy and ugly girl pairs . Many other factors like intelligence, sense of humor, wit, smartness and some times no particular factor  plays a major role when both get attracted.
Girl has to be beautiful, well educated ,homely , have long hair, be a good  cook, have proper milky white complexion, preferably employed,  some times preferably unemployed, tall , slender and should take care of parents. Boy should have lucrative salary, own house, a car, preferably onsite or settled in abroad. Tall and should not be bald , well built body and there is always the below comparative analysis. The previous girl/boy was much more better than this one or may be a ray of hope that the next girl/boy would be more better
Age is not a very important factor. Most of the times they are of same age or some times girl can also be bigger than the boy. Most of the times societies’ actual norms of boy elder to girl are met.
The societies’ norm must and should meet. Boy should be elder to girl by a minimum of 2-3yrs but a boy who is 35 will also approach a girl of 22 and a girl of 24 should not marry a boy of 24-25. There should be age gap as they say. Some people are superb by rejecting matches where the boy is just 1-2months or 10- 15 days younger to girl. They say the mental sync is a problem! I don’t know how much extra mental sync is possible by their predefined needed age gap between girl and boy. Well there can be few but very few broad minds
Love can be retained but expectations can be high as days pass by post the wedding. Sometimes it may wither as days go by. A boy takes a girl for granted and a girls interpretation can be dreamy and expectations can be high which are not easily met
Love just starts, so expectations might be less but the excitement to know more about each other is high so it’s  afresh  and great. Love can be retained but A boy takes a girl for granted and a   girls interpretation can be dreamy and expectations can be high which are not easily met
Post wedding disputes are not uncommon. THE REAL Person is shown when both start living with each other
Post wedding disputes are common. THE PERSON is actually SHOWN when both start living with each other
Kids are born and they get busy with monotonous life but love can be retained. It depends on their patience, anger management, new ways to bond and love!
Kids are born and they get busy with monotonous life but love can be retained. It depends on their patience, anger management, new ways to bond and love.

So post wedding may be a year or two after wedding both seem to be same the LOVE and the ARRANGED weddings but what matters here is the cause which caused it the effect being same. A GIRL and BOY liking each other which is simple or both families liking each and every aspect which is a bit complex. Relations and commitment have always puzzled me. There are many great people who said great great things about love and marriage and I agree with most of them. In my honest opinion and I know many will agree with me – Any kind of marriage needs a consistent effort from both sides to make it work , to make it bloom.

Some times people who say they are broad minded cannot undermine or push away silly reasons once they get committed. Some people who are too straight forward and frank are always ready to destroy the relation .Some people say they respect each other’s individuality but tend to harm it as and when they are committed. Only one thing I can say is with growing age you need to accept few things which cannot be changed.

A proposal poem (Arranged Marriage)
The initial shyness vanished when he smiled broad.
I shuddered thinking “what to speak next?? Oh LORD”!
I silently conveyed thanks to someone who interrupted,
for whatever I spoke sounded silly and disrupted!

Minutes passed and I found my-self relaxed.
I was naturally in to conversation, no one coaxed!
I found myself chatting, questioning and then elaborately replying:-)
Aura seemed joyful and without any reason I was smiling!

I didn't know if it was a new bond in making.
I wasn’t even sure if I was real or I was faking!
Only thing I was sure was there was some vibe,
Pleasance occupied and there wasn’t any kind of jibe!!

He hinted a question with his eyes and I said YES.
Instantly I dreamt about me in the wedding dress!
There was no sparkle in sky and there were no stars falling down.
There were only smiles as there was no time to frown!

Its special just “He & Me”, I feel like a queen wearing Tiara and he the king with a CROWN!!

 Lastly I want to wish all the blossoming relations an absolute success and I wish with growing years people become more considerate and patient rather than closing their relation be it a love or an arranged marriage easily the way they close a bank account!

PS: All the images/ Cartoons other than the ones made using toondoo.com are googled. I DONT OWN THEM. The ones using toondoo.com are made by me.

This post is submitted for  Indiblogger's new contest in association with Sony Entertainment Television-- Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Do visit Love marriage Ya arranged marriage on FB at www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange


  1. What a comprehensive post. Well-done. Reading your post makes me want to write one too. Good luck for the contest :)

  2. nice post :) all the best :) here have a look at these one too whenever you get time :)



  3. @Nandana : Thanks for reading. Yep do write one. Would love to read ur view

    @Saurabh: Thank U. Ya sure shall read asap

  4. nice one.
    All the best for the contest

  5. The table format for a serious blog post seems to be a ploy that most use to get away from trying to write clear, logical, and interestingly written paragraphs... and adding pictures is adds to my belief that a writer is just being lazy.
    The post is otherwise having some good arguments and I wish you write a post as it should be written.

    Arvind Passey

  6. added pictures as I loved them and two of the cartoons were made by me!
    Yep I agree its a bit haphazard but this was definitely not written in a vigilant mood.I was rather lazy and wavering when I wrote it !

    I wrote many better posts if U WISH TO Read and this is definitely not among them Arvind passey :)

    Having said all that indiblogger competitions dont evoke much interest in me :)

    THanks for reading . Hope u read other posts and like few :D

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