Saturday, September 26, 2015

Moving on...

"You still stuck there. Please move on buddy!"
 "You are making fun of me even today for that. Come on guys. Move on!"
 "Heart breaks are normal in life. You should try and move on darling."

How many times would you have heard the words MOVE ON in various contexts! Moving on is the much required phenomenon in any one's life. If you can't move on you are damaging your present. If you stay where you are and refuse to budge you are hampering your happening future. But is it so easy to move on for every one? In this post we shall talk about moving on and the challenges involved in it. This is an interactive post and I would like to see your replies and experiences.

Long long ago when I was in school, I was very emotional. Not that I am less emotional now but then I was a wreck. I was an intelligent girl who loved to have fun and laugh a lot and always wanted to express what I felt with ease but my emotional quotient mostly kept me in silence. I was scared of so many things. My dad used to compare me with Lord Hanuman who at some point forgets his special powers. I am not a mythology expert but I remember just this bit, though I never researched on whys and whats of this information. Yes. I am a Muslim but we all are fond of Hindu mythological stories and facts. My family instilled the belief in me but it is not possible to always have family by your side...

I still remember the day when I was giving 7th standard board exams and when I had to give a tough paper one day , I got boils and itching started all over my body due to some histamine release and over excitement. I had to take avil-25 to calm down. I am very sensitive to slightest of the disturbances. They can be physical , chemical or psychological. Avil 25 used to come to my rescue .When I had some new chicken cuisine in a restaurant and got rashes all over the body, my friends got shit scared looking at me :-| Even today if I am over excited, my nose starts itching horribly :)! Going back to the exam day, by God's grace I finished the exam , by the end of which I looked like a ripe tomato. The memory stayed with me. It was not so easy to move on. I always carry avil with me, when ever I travel or when I face an emotional upheaval but may be my immunity increased with age and I stopped feeling the necessity of popping the pill !I am allergic to many foods, smells, noises and my body instantly responds in weird fashion :) but some how I learnt to control the reactions! If only it was so easy to control the emotional disturbances...
Source : here
Our basic necessities in life remain simple till other people start impacting our emotions and some external energy controls our system. Some people are rock solid and ward off the external forces even if it means to be a loner but some can be easily influenced. At times the influence is so strong that they are no longer the people they used to be! Currently I know 2-3 friends who are going through various kinds and various phases of heart break. Some seem like they have moved on. I don't want to scrape the dead wounds so I don't ask any questions but it kills me when I see people like them or me going through extreme emotional turmoil. Yes women are bigger emotional fools. Doesn't mean men are devoid of emotions. This random thought of moving on started the night before when I was listening to a song move on and was unable to sleep. Like Calvin says, darkness is the perfect time to keep thinking about our fears :) ! Some things in life, like liking a particular person, falling for them or getting your life linked to theirs are mostly  not under our control. After all we are humans whose self control is at toss in such scenarios :) Making your heart say yes or no and keeping your will strong at the right time changes the game!

When I shifted from Bangalore to Hyderabad I was feeling utterly sad. Hyderabad is a city I adore but still I was not feeling good about the big move. I felt I will miss the sense of freedom for many reasons in Hyderabad! But then I could do nothing to stop it rather than moving on. It was a bitter sweet experience, from the past 6months . Even if I still remember Bangalore in a fond manner, I have got used to Hyd . I am xenophobic and new job, place and people always make me jittery but I had to change 3 jobs after wedding and have learnt how to move on though I am yet to master the art of moving on. Ultimately I have no regrets and moving on did make me stronger professionally and personally!

The situation is more challenging when we deal with matters of heart and assume we are strong enough to be practical when time demands but end up facing the repercussions ! A failed marriage, a broken friendship or a relation ship, lack of expression or emotion in your partner or some one or any one on whom you developed immense liking, being extremely insensitive towards you, all these scenarios  leave a gaping hole in the heart. Mending it takes hell lot of time. So much time that you wonder why you are feeling so lethargic with each passing day. You curse yourself. You mouth cuss words. Then you try to move on. You do new things. Go to places.  Meet friends. Cook. Write. Party. Travel e.t.c! The pain subsides but lingers till you actually move on. The actual moving on happens only when you really want to move on, which is when you suddenly realize he / she has moved on and you are being an idiot by making him/ her your motto in life.

SHIT HAPPENS and rather than making it hit the roof , floor and walls , it is better to flush it out. You need a good company to do so - a trust worthy friend, a companion who is fun to be with, a sibling with whom you can share darkest secrets and so on so forth. Doing things alone is a herculean task. I am daily subjected to different people going through different challenges in life and I myself have so much on my mind that I am in a position where I can neither be a support nor seek support! We all have those few special people whom we can bug with our bickering thoughts and feelings. But a time comes when you have to fight a lone war because every one around is doing the same too and because you and only you can put an absolute end to your tangled thoughts. Your friends can act as catalysts but for the reaction to happen, you need to act first! I am not saying that matters of heart are simplistic. They are too complicated . Heart does what heart does even when your brain keeps cautioning it just like in the below cartoons!
source : here
Image source: here

Emotions and heart games are usually played by any person till he / she feels you are perfectly under their charm or control or whatever you may want to call it. If they get what they want then they are happy or else their brain starts taking an immediate action. When brains intervene, the hearts involved seem like loads of crap. When some one, whether it is your brain or your asshole partner easily say YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON just when your heart actually started wanting for more,it hurts ! It hurts like hell. It takes too much time for your heart to rest and to let your brain do the talking, but that talking if you do, you are saved. My only message to all the emotional creatures out there is that, give your brain some work too. Do not enter in to any kind of relation ship if your brain continuously is giving different types of warning signals! Do not make yourself a victim to vague signals of heart. Try to find that perfect balance between heart and brain for your peace!

No two people are same. No strings attached seems good as the movie title where by the end they end up wanting more :) If it is not your cup of tea, it is better not to drink it or at-least be wise and get rid of it after 2-3 sips. When you see your relation ship is going no where or if you get negative vibes from your partner or boy friend it is better to cut it in the root stage and move on. Any kind of relation ship demands emotion, whether it is short-lived or long-term, whether it is with strings or with no strings. It is tough to have a physical attraction towards a person minus emotion but if you realise the other person is a jerk , if you are getting subtle signals which your heart may filter before reacting but the CLEVER brain senses, please listen to them. Do listen to your brain once in a while to wake up, to regain sanity and to move on!

Yes it is said that following your heart gives you a sense of fulfilment but it is not always true. Just like in the quote shared below follow your heart but do take your brain with you!
source : here

Source : here

Having shared these awesome quotes, I just have a last piece of advice to all the emotional people out there who are fighting variety of battles. In the battle between Heart and Brain may you win and get what you deserve the most. Don't feel bad for being vulnerable. Wear your emotions like a boss. I am sure there will be some one who will just be fine with who you are and who has the emotional quotient similar to yours!

Lastly , thanks for keeping up with this post loaded with random thoughts and emotions ;) Do share your experiences in replies and in life remember to move on if you should!

Signing Off,
image source : here


  1. Well written! Pass a month I am going through this "Move on" phase but as said above "Women are emotional fools" very true.
    Content is meaningful and practical.

    1. ya we all go through this move on phase every now and then. It is much needed but with practice one can get perfect
      Thanks ganga !
      take care

  2. Very well assessed and observed, Afshan. We need to move on and at times, try to emotional detach. Matters of the heart is very complex, I agree and I took a long time to get a heart break. It wasn't worth it, as I reflect but wish the person well, learn from the relationship and move on.

    1. ya moving on helps us to be sane !
      THanks for ur time Vishal

  3. I feel purging yourself of all the hurt, negativity helps. Be it through crying, cribbing or even articulating your angst. I find writing cathartic.

  4. HAhaha. I was also very emotional as a kid- and still I am.... Can so relate. VERY important to move on... wish more people took that advice. Really enjoyed this read!

  5. to move is life and everything in the universe moves. Nice post! good to know that you respect all religions :)

  6. its too good Afshan.. nicely written.. espc.. the actual move on happens when u want to move on.. as Eli mentioned. Really enjoyed reading it..

    1. Glad to know that ajeet. Surprising to see ur comment and happy too :)

  7. Change is inevitable but some change is just excruciating! Sorry to know that you used to have such a bad physical reaction in your childhood! I'm glad it is less now!

  8. Great article this is very informative .......keep posting Thanks Regards
    Nainital to Pangot


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