The Pensive

So I watched the movie Homebound and it made me think, more than I actually want to.  Neeraj Ghaywan the maker of Masaan did a fantastic job in making this well balanced tale of friendship, religion or caste, class discriminations, poverty, unemployment struggles, and crushed dreams. It is tender and soul crushing - the film received huge praises and was selected for Oscar entry from India which feels absolutely justified ! The film holds mirror to multiple aspects of a downtrodden life - which often are unseen or just casually dismissed by a much blessed crowd. There isn’t much I can add about the movie that hasn’t already been said, but what it reflected back at me were echoes of my own past and present.   I am a Muslim and my label is reminded to me time and again sometimes without any rhyme or reason. It's not an exaggeration if I say - that for atleast 30-40% of public around me, we are still aliens with ancestry else where ( Turkey , Arab, etc) and they feel that we enj...

Whatever we talk about often gets absorbed by our kids’ sponge-like brains. I’m most of times unknowingly chatting about weight, diet, exercise, or some neck or foot sprain and naturally, that’s what my daughter catches on to. She knows that’s one of my frequent topics. Today morning, feeling a bit displeased with myself, I asked her, “Zaara, do you think I’ve gained weight in the last couple of weeks?” She gave me a slow scan tip to toe and went, “Hmmmm…”😅😂 With my best sad puppy face, I sighed, “Okay, okay! I know, I know! Holidays and all that festive eating didn’t help me.” Without missing a beat, she said, “It’s okay, Ma. In science we learned about animal adaptations, right? This little bit of fat you gained is just like a polar bear’s blubber. Even I gained some!” Amused and curious, I asked, “Really? What do you mean?” She grinned, “It’s a protective layer of fat that  keeps you warm in the cold winter ❄️😂 and gives warmth to your young one - that’s me!” Then she wrapped...

An yet another dining table conversation... Me in all my brooding avatar after discussing some events... Me : "Zaara don't be so attached to teachers or fella classmates. Years change and your sections also change. You must go with the flow!" Z : "But why should I not get attached. At times I may find a favorite person in the process, with whom I would love to talk more..." Me little surprised: "Ya, you will find such, but is there any recent favorite person!" Z: "Ya , my grade 3 teacher . I meet her in every snacks period!" Me : Really?! Z: Ya , I still meet her. We talk. One day she asked me , how's your grade 4 Zaara. I said , "Mam!Busy, suffocating mammm!" Me: wow, then?!😅 Z: She laughed and said, tell me about it Zaara and we chatted away. Me: So you guys talk like friends now then!? Z: Ya. She is not my class teacher, so we talk more now. Me: So you feel good then!? Z: Not just good maa! It feels fresh, a new feeling....l...

Off we go - I thought finally and was super excited even for our super short trip to Kerala ( Gods Own country it is called in India due to its divine locations, general calmness and the beauty). Due to some repeated health issues and other obstacles our different kinds of trips planned to Thailand, then to Bali etc did not get implemented. Cancelling all the foreign trip plans - we rounded on somewhere near - udupi ( TamilNadu) or Kerala in June - even they all got postponed or cancelled and so on... This summer threw me a curveball - some health issues turned chronic and demanded long treatment sessions. I ended up spending weeks indoors, barely touching my usual hobbies or even picking up the phone. Also I believe there is NONE to call to coz all are in their soup! I don't feel like calling friends when there is really no plan or nothing exciting happening. Just to mope, it doesn't feel right! Every one nowadays prefers to mope like a mop in a corner😜 Doing otherwise is a b...

My daughter utters so many wise words at the age of 7-8 , it almost feels like she is some 18+ and in all - sage avatar is preaching me. From today I am trying to be active on blog and would try capturing some of the random wisdom nuggets and wise-cracks, my daughter has up her sleeve :-) ------------------------------------Read on--------------------------- My wisdom tooth is a unique pain giving companion from more than a decade 🤕. A nerve exactly is passing in between the tooth  and to operate it's tough, if it's bone we can still surgically extract...if nerve little tough - at times u may lose sensation of the jaw, but mostly u won't - I was told .. I thought, feeling the pain is better than feeling nothing, so nearly from 12 years I suffer on and off immense pain episodes, sometimes I get fever and so on .... Today some food got stuck in that tooth. I was cleaning and then pressing my jaw in pain, holding it...and so on, seeing my trials ,  my daughter : "what...

I am happy to say on my blog that I am in the process of getting published, a collection of my poems. While aimlessly scrolling through my final manuscript on a dull rainy gloomy Sunday (as I didn't have much zeal to sit or look at it due to some events in my life),  I remembered this movie recommendation from my intermediate friend Poornima - who now is a Gastro surgeon in Hyderabad! What started as a casual time pass watch became a much needed brooding piece for me! I finished watching it and I wondered why no one is talking about it! We’re quick to troll Tollywood for mindless content, but when rare gems like this quietly shine, they somehow go unnoticed, so I felt a need to write. Even I thought maybe it's originally a Tamil or Malayalam movie - that's how the brains got wired 😀 but felt happy to see that it's a true blue Telugu movie!  What can I say about the movie? It felt like chicken soup for the soul. It’s been ages since something so pure, so soulful, and de...

And that is the magic of the city  There is no time to laugh loud, cry ,or even show pity! You see something or someone where you want to stop by The turn on the road doesn't allow that, and the numerous fly overs would still not give you wings to fly! :-) City of your dreams, your love, your childhood ambition! Who knew, the same city would make you long for a magic potion! A potion which could make you go back in time and live in slow motion Alas! We are only muggles and we have more problems than solutions! The city gave you wads of money, a luxury to live, a fire and a passion to strive for more But the cost at which it comes - it almost squeezes your soul till you may not have much to pour! The skyline is often invisible and the sun hides behind the tall towers and sky scrappers! The rain is enjoyed more through a glass pane, there is no space to stand, watch, get drenched, or to float those boats made of papers! The love, that ephemeral love - the city has to offer! The roman...

After a series of much real posts on my blog, today I want to write a heart warming one - An event that took me down the memory lane , made me relive most precious years of childhood once again! India is cricket frenzy and a movie frenzy nation. I think these are the only elements which bridge the gaps and inequalities here...How much ever silly it may seem - I believe they have the ability to divert one from deaths, wars and make one's heart gooey and happy! There is a trend of rereleases going on in India - one reason being that all the new content nowadays is on OTT ( streaming platforms) and also there is a dearth of non triggering simple happy content for a human to watch. At times we don't need real or relatable content...we just need a fantasy of 2-3 hrs to travel to a dreamy land and come back to face reality. The content made nowadays is great, with mind blowing effects, unbelievable sizes of heroines, transformations on screen, plethora of topics, too many new faces b...

Everything these days feels polarized. Every single event, thought, or expression seems to spark division. You can’t even yawn without someone offering a lecture. It feels like we live under a constant spotlight, where even the smallest actions are analyzed and debated. Somehow, everything gets tied to your nationalism, your patriotism, your respect (or lack of it) for those who actually serve and protect us. Before you even finish the sentences or suppose you are trying to have just a dialogue, it never goes smooth as the opposing group is ready to “educate” you on how your perspective is flawed. In times like these, sometimes the sanest thing to do is focus on the simple, everyday routine, some self-grooming or progress stuff: Staying hydrated, a personal or official milestone, pending checklist items, skincare, good food, whether intermittent fasting actually works or not, general health improvement, so on and so forth... These may seem silly or mundane—but they’re the very things t...

𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 ask and talk 𝗮 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆: 𝗜𝘀𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗺 is equally or even more scary for people like me, because whenever it happens, we are questioned, poked, and reprimanded to condemn it—strongly and repeatedly. Like all Indians, we are also shocked. Many of us can't write (not all are writers or ChatGPT users), express, or talk about it—some may not even be active on social media. But yes, we do get targeted, irrespective of that 𝗚𝗮𝘇𝗮 𝘃𝘀 𝗧𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿 𝗔𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀: The event in Gaza is a planned wipeout by governments (it feels like World War 3), where an ethnicity is being destroyed without a trace. A terrorist attack is equally heinous—but you’re comparing apples and oranges here. No act is less painful, and no death is more valid. All are deaths. All are killings. When religion is involved in these barbarous acts —especially targeted ones—people of the same faith often can’t speak much, because their faith is twisted by ter...

How I wish that the kids with biggest hearts never grow.... How I wish we reap the benefits of the wisdom seeds they sow! How I wish pure and trusted - it always stays, that love! How I wish the wonderment in eyes and the joy in the heart stays intact as a treasure trove! How I wish the fantasies we nurtured never turned to realities  How I wish we didn't have to face the adulting cruelties A lie - a sham which every one says that once you grow you can have it all... And that once you grow - you decide your life and can make a call! How I wish, the precious childhood could always stay How I wish I stopped for once the roles I play  How I wish the world to always be easy, happy and we could let things slide!! How I wish I could talk to someone and feel like I can be myself and never feel tired! How I wish at least one person conversed attentively feeling happy and engaged! How I wish when we are sad, we don't have to get dismissed! How I wish the child in me was once in a while...

I wanted to write a letter to you, to preserve what all I am feeling in this blog post and to really get it out of my system and feel better. It is an open secret that writing is a cathartic process for people like me. However I am not sure if I can ever get what all I am feeling out of my system, but I can definitely make the load slightly lighter may be? Few days back when one from our cousins asked to reminisce some good old memories with you, I was totally blank! Completely blank because of all the recent past happenings and the struggle and fight which I closely witnessed. I poked my head and twisted my mind to recollect at least one memory but was feeling numb. With lot of difficulty I recollected some random memory and shared in that group, however I felt I didn't do justice to our bond or memories, hence this letter - a trial to reminisce few unforgettable, fun moments! Do you remember those random summer days, when we used to huddle together under the shade of a neem or co...