Thursday, October 11, 2012

Relatives Vs Friends & F(r)iends

Featured by as Spicy Saturday Pick!
Relatives Vs F(r)iends Vs Friends
What will you do when someone close to you suddenly stops talking to you or behaves weird?
Why is it important to have at least one trust worthy Friend all your life?

Disclaimer: The characters in this episode / Conversation snippet are fictional. Resembling any one alive or dead is quite possible as this cannot happen on a alien Land :) Dont mind the 60's names given to chatacters- Kamala and Vimala 

Read on!
This is what I presently feel. Image courtesy : google

Kamala saw Vimala and her friends in a shopping mall and calls her excitedly and starts talking.  

Kamala: “Hey Good to see you yar! Had to inform you this. We are planning to go to Spain .I got an offer in my current project.”

Vimala (Cousin): Oh wow! (Trying hard to suppress the anguish but it comes out glowing in the eyes even if she is grinning) .That’s great. When is it?

Kamala : “In a month or so! I will let you know once everything is decided.”

Vimala: “Ok! Cool. Hey We have to go to Gold shop before they close. I will call you OK? Congrats by the way.”

Raji (friend) mailed her: Amazing! When? With whom? I Wish I could also come. Let’s see in future. Send the pics once you start clicking them :)
(She feels little jealous but it vanishes in a while. After all Raji and Kamy are friends from 10years)

Priya (Friend on FB but actually a Fiend) comments on Kamala’s FB status “Hola! Spain it is with” 40 + Likes and 20comments : OH U R damn lucky ! Enjoying life Han!!

Kamy is busy with her travel arrangements and feeling dreamy all the while so she doesn’t care who is saying what! She just informed all in the typical FB way as later they will again complain and behave weird specially Vimala and the cousin bros and sisters gang who will become judge- “mental” and mark Kamy’s behavioural traits as proud , rude and selfish just by the fact she didn’t inform her  travel plans to cousins/ aunts/ uncles and the rest from the same band(g)wagon! Even if the so called relatives stay indifferent when it comes to informing their personal issues / plans / decisions they expect any other fruit popped out of a different branch in their family tree to show respect to all and inform each and every (T)aunt their happenings in life. If you don’t you will be discussed like below in the (T)aunt talks

Aunt A: “Oh that Kamy! She is so proud of her career that she forgot to even tell that she is leaving India.”

My question is, why shouldn’t  she be proud of her achievements and career and why the hell she has to inform Aunt A with out any fail when Aunt A or her off springs don’t  do the same!

Aunt B: “Really! Ya my daughter told she updated her status on FB. It has become style statement these days. You got to be on FB if you want to stay informed and connected.”

Aunt A: “It’s not an IRCTC enquiry to log in and know. Am least bothered now. I am thinking to invite Kamy for Vimala’s wedding only after the Mehndi and other rituals.”

B stays silent as she doesn’t want to cool down the fire. If she wants she can persuade A but she is actually enjoying the only spice element in her life. The crusade between Kamy and A is known to all from long!

Kamy is a successful IT consultant who recently got married and got an amazing opportunity to travel to Spain and work there for 1year. Husband is in good position too. Whilst her success was successful in pleasing only handful of folks it failed in pleasing a good number of people among relatives and so called friends circle.
3 weeks after her status update of Spain somewhere in Chennai Raji opened her contacts in mobile and did not delay calling Kamy and congratulating her.
Raji: “Hey Kamy! Congrats Madam. If I was in Hyderabad I would have taken a treat at Oberoi  or Taj Krishna ”

Kamy: “Oh come on darling! Such  a huge treat for a short time opportunity.”

Raji: “So what if its short term! It’s an honour to go there. Zindagi Na milegi Dobaara Yaar!  You are among very few people to go. Anyway do visit the Bull fighting and Tomatino festival and also get goodies for us. I heard silk shawls and leather products are great there  ;)”

Kamy : “wowowow ! A list already. Sure yaar! Thanks a lot. I didn’t get time to call all, but you took the pain to call me.”

Raji: “Come on now! Don’t be melodramatic. If I was in your place I would also have got busy. I understand you.”

Kamy :” Hmm!! I wish Vimala also understands me some times.”

Raji: “Now whats the issue with her? Leave her na yaar!”

Kamy : “She was not like this Raji. Competition between us is invalid. We have grown up and are busy in our own lives but I don’t know who plants these seeds of jealousy in her brain. You know what, all my cousins are invited except me to Vimala’s wedding. She didn’t even inform about it. I am not sure if I will be invited. The other day I called aunty to tell about my Spain trip. She quipped saying Aunt B told her. I never specially informed Aunt B. I don’t know what’s all this mess the relatives create.”

Raji: “Leave it na Yaar! Go if they invite or else leave it. It’s not your mistake right? They don’t deserve your thoughts. They are just jealous! You can never repair their polluted minds so just ditch them.”

Kamy :” If you say so, but it definitely feels awkward when I go to any wedding or function and I have to face them. It definitely hurts without any mistake from my side.”

Raji : “There are many such people Kamy! Just see my cousin Lalitha. She is still angry with me by the fact that I took lead in another cousin Suresh’s wedding. Now what can I do yaar. I am in to event management so they obviously took my help!”

Kamy : “Hmm. Dont know what can be done about such occurrences. Either we should behave dumb and disinterested in such events or we should totally go in to hibernation.”

Raji: “No need of doing anything like that. NO NEED TO SACRIFICE YOUR SHARE OF FUN due to some fools.”

Kamy : “hmm! Thanks Yaar. I always feel light when I talk to you. I wish you were my cousin.:)”

Raji: “Nah nah! Please. If I was your cousin I may have got more jealous than Vimala by your spain trip, your beauty , your husband and what not :P. So this suits me better.”

Kamy : “ My God. Stop mocking me and do you think you can really be like that?”

Raji : “Who knows re? It’s always good to be not blood related and stay friendly.”

Kamy: “hmm! May be. Ok , I gotta go. Some meeting. I only have a week left for travel, so finishing many things.”

Raji: “YA! GOOD LUCK TO U and do think of great time ahead. Don’t populate your brain with dump.”

Kamy : “ji hazoor. Chal bye.” 

Raji : “Adios!”

Kamy : “hahhaha. Adios amigo!”

Kamy was sent an email invitation after a month. A week later Kamy called Vimala to wish her on the D- Day. Aunty took the phone and gave a crisp reply:  “She is busy.”
Kamy : “ Oh ! Can you please tell me when she will be free aunty? “
Aunt A: “Not sure beta. I will convey my wishes to her and ask her to call you when she is free.”
Kamala cut the phone letting out a sigh. Kamala’s parents couldn’t participate happily in all the wedding events due to the way Kamala was treated by A. As Kamala’s mom was not active another distant aunt C took the lead which surprised the audience and the band(g)wagon of the groom’s side! The ambience was unpleasant which was noticeable to all!
Somehow the wedding finished leading to fresh silly quarrels, fights , complaints and verbal arguments among relatives and you  can say in a way Kamy was fortunate enough to miss all the mess and happily enjoy the Tomatino ! Vimala never called Kamala. Time flew and Vimala gave birth to twins. They both are in touch on FB giving importance to their egos and remembering to never call each other. Priya continued pasting her weird comments on FB and liking Kamy’s pics . Kamy even forgot how she met Priya but just restricted her as she was not sure deleting would be a good idea! Raji is still in touch and they both discuss what’s happening and not happening in life. Kamy is coming back to India and it was Raji who was there at airport along with Kamy’s mom dad and bro to receive her. Kamy’s friends met her and they all had excited conversations over many cups of coffee and tons of Hyderabadi chicken biryani. Kamy is all stuffed and happy but the lacuna of her relatives staying indifferent haunts her!
This is just a speck in the bountiful jealousies, quarrels, misunderstandings, mishaps relatives and some friends have between them. The thing which troubles me is how do people get so jealous at your events / success / intelligence / earnings and every possible thing? It’s good to yearn for something and use it as a stepping stone for progress but the never ending comparative analysis? What about it? Isn’t this a never ending pain in Ass! The so called family relations and the people who aid in the fights. Kamy is fairer than Vimala. Kamy is smart. Vam! The cold war has started even before Kamy and Vamy can even recollect when it all started! These people who act like “brawl-aids” piss me off. I can fall down to their levels and make the messier affair much dirtier to take revenge but I just can’t make it happen! And wedding is all together a Bollywood movie may be the Karan Johar kind , very long and with many unwanted twists!

  • ·        One person has complaints that he/she is ill treated in a wedding just because they were not asked twice to have dinner.
  • ·        The other has a complaint that he was not given the lead role he being the eldest.
  • ·        One more has a complaint that she was not invited properly so she didn’t attend.
  • ·        One has issue with some cuisine and says it spoiled the wedding aura!
  • ·        One cousin has an issue that the girl on her D- Day didn’t give her the role of bride’s maid.

In all this hullabaloo people who just have special appearances get the lead role!
If wedding is a movie it’s never a box office hit in India. It always gets mixed views, reviews and revenues!
PHEW! Wedding is such a costly but not so pleasing event in India.
As time runs you get more complaints and witness more jealousies than appraisals in post wedding days!
But there are few GOD sent angels / cousins called “FRIENDS” who always have no complaints and no regrets. They are always glad to be a part of your most important day of life, raise a toast for you and raise your spirits. Of course not all f(r)iends stay happy. I have seen people whose faces fall down when a bride’s beauty is praised. There are many categories in jealousy!
So when someone suddenly stops talking to you and starts behaving weird making the scene awkward for you just walk off or ignore!
I still am not sure if I can do it taken the long-time relations I have with many but I can definitely say keep happy people around as grouches pull you down and I prefer to keep friends and relatives who don’t have complex feelings around me. It’s very tough as none is simple. Even I am complex in a way! People say I think a lot and make them think ;)
I only wish to control my emotions and not feel bad when someone is wicked / indifferent / unhappy with anything good happening to me!

I definitely can’t please everyone and I have stopped trying to do so long back. The below image which was circulated fervently on Fb few days back suits me!

courtesy : Someecards. I love their cards:)

--- THE END--

TBC some other time when I feel grumpy again. So hopefully I dont want to get grumpy and continue this. Thanks a lot for bearing this post
As of now I feel like I am attaining inner peace which I can never attain like  below;)

Have a great weekend


  1. That was a good one Afshan. It is really a very common thing in many people's lives.

    You know when I got shortlisted for Infosys, I was the only one from my class and I felt sad that my classmates/friends did not get selected and also got little scared that what if they get jealous and don't be friendly with me.

    Anyway, there was this one girl Lavanya who was more happy for me than being sad for herself. She alone stayed with me when everyone else left after the results. I was amazed seeing that and wished her a million good things in my heart. I learnt what is being selfless or what is true friendship then, it really made me better and I began appreciating people.

    And about relatives ? The lesser said the better. :-P

  2. @Jazz : I can understand.

    Same scenes happened to me too. Some times when I succeeded be it a rank or medal in school or my first job there were people in my relatives who mouthed congrats as if its a cuss word. LOL! Then I used to feel bad but now I feel it all funny!

    Ya friends are always better than Few cousins(I wont say all) coz friends even though they have competition they dont compare themselves with U 24 * 7 . Its a relief. I never got a job in my college. Many of my friends got. I was genuienly happy for them even though I was sad for my self. am from biotech. They r from other branches so there is no scope for getting jealous but MANY DONT Understand that and compare anything and every thing happening in their life with yours!

    Am not saying every one is truly happy even among friends but relations with them are always better than with cousins.

    Thanks for ur elaborate comment :)

  3. Oh well.. Peer wars are so very common in every family.

    Many times, the the comparisons that elders draw is what brings animosity between cousins or family friends.

    But for me,I am generally least bothered as to what relatives think (Thanks to my dad who inculcated this attitude in me :) )so it saves me a lot of pain honestly. :D

  4. @Mystic : Peers are very common in family and not so un common among friends! I know many people who act as friends and easily get jealous and I have written many posts with respect to that on infy blogs :P

    Ya elders are quite foolish many a times !I was never bothered till recent past. Now I was little hurt hence this post :) but when I look back I laugh at few things.May be this blog will also make me laugh in future :)

    Even My parents inculcated the same attitude in me hence I never had any open rebukes / hatred atleast with in family but at times when some people irritate U till your patience level reaches the brim U pour it on blog ;P I mean I POUR IT:)

    Thanks for visiting my blog and giving ur view!

    Keep reading

  5. and by the way all events in this article did not 'happen' to me. Few r just guessed !:)

  6. Gud one dear... It made me remember my past as well as present situations in my life... :) Getting married to a nice person is also jealous... I think, thy shud feel happy abt tht bcoz our girl is gng to a nice family but people r jealous bcoz my mother in law is gud.... wht a joke indeed... so i stopped saying anything of my family to them.... I feel more comfortable with my frnds to share anything... but wid relatives haaa its like a war-field... Anywaz this is a routine story for every1.... Hope atleast the next generations make some difference...:)Keep rocking wid ur articles.... i jus love the way u bring thm up... :) Good luck... :)

  7. @Jyotsna : Looking at the kind of comments/ pings /feedback am getting am glad I wrote this. I was lil hesitant initially :)

    Good to see almost all sail in the same boat. Dukhon ko baatna bhi zarroori hai as they become funny ultimately !

    Ya there r many who wish U also become lil sad and dont get better things than them. Its tough to repair them. Only help we can do to next generations is asking them to keep happy people around and avoid too much comm with sick minds :) and ignore any kinda arguments!

    Thanks for ur comment.
    Keep reading

  8. hahaha!! you hit the nail on the head with this one. Its so true, and you seem to have researched the emotions quite well!

    Congrats on the Spicy pick!

  9. @Nirvana: Thanks a lot for taking time and commenting. It actually boosted me :)
    Not really a research just few happenings :P in and around me

    Thanks for wishes....


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