Friday, May 19, 2017

"Labor Room Saga" - Episode 1

I am taking time out of my busy ( or may be  not so busy but just lazyyy) schedule to pen down the memories of my labor room when they are still  fresh. It has been 3+ months  since  Zaara  entered my life but I remember every detail of that eventful day + night  (Feb10th 2017). After all the Child birth preparation , labor preparation classes, after learning the butterfly squats, lamaze breathing and after seeing all kinds of shapes and sizes of bellies in the class and feeling OK as every one seemed equally scared, I STILL DID NOT FEEL OK ABOUT IT!

Since my childhood I remember feeling scared and grossed about the entire child birth process. From imagining that the child comes out of the mouth of a mother during a big vomit when I was in third standard to talking with my friends at length, about the options of  not marrying or being just a friend to the husband and staying safe and away from the horrific episodes during my teenage ;-) , every thing was reeling in my head on Feb10th 2017 after my water broke. I was using those memories as stress buster. Feb 9th was just like any other day. I was working from home from Feb 3rd and was  just feeling very weak by the second half of the  day of Feb 9th. I had to work on Feb 10th too to wind off few things  but was thinking to inform my manager about  my weakness and that I would like start my leave from Feb 10th. Leave was actually scheduled from Feb 13th (Monday). I did not want the weekend to go waste in the maternity leave period! A miser and a wiser (???) me was saving the last ounce of my leaves for the later period of my maternity!  But I finally gave up on 9th and felt I just can't work any more.

I think it is the subconscious mind which always wins. I did feel that I may deliver in 2-3 days though doctor said I was still 2 weeks away from due date. What I did not guess or feel that day was that, I would be delivering the next day! I worked till 8- 8:30 P.M. that night, unlike other days when I usually wind off work at 5:30 P.M. as I  had to send an urgent release notes,  I finally called it a day and fell flat on the bed.
Meanwhile some where in Alaska, the plight of a pregnant woman. Image source - here
My major pregnancy symptoms were breathlessness which lasted almost till the last day and a bad muscle pull in the left side of my waist. I was telling my husband about the unusual weakness which felt different from the pain I faced in the earlier weeks. He started scolding me like he did every day on how he wanted me to take leave from Feb 1st week and avoid WFH. I was listening to everything with minimum attention span and was simultaneously feeling  something is  not right. That night I taught my husband Imran - how to use Instagram, the details about hash tags (of which he is still not clear and is trying to get a hang of it ;) ) , about followers , showed him the celebrity profiles e.t.c. We were up chatting till about 1 A.M. At about 3 A.M.  which is my usual time during  the entire pregnancy to hit the loo, I felt wide awake as some thing hot was oozing out of me. It was not a normal flow. I first felt it must be blood and did not understand how to react , then  I realized my water broke and the oceanic flow was not stopping.

I did not have any pains but I was recollecting the terrifying stories of women who told me that their water broke and as all amniotic fluid came out there was oxygen deficiency, birth was complicated and kid had to be moved to ICU and so on so forth. I was trying to shut my mind off and fill it with only hope and optimistic thoughts but it was not happening. I was not sure what to do. By 3:10 A.M. we were all wide awake. Thanks to my mom who kept the maternity bag ready which had my clothes and all essentials. I kept my brush, tooth paste, a book, Ipod and was searching for ear phones that time (Yes you all can grin at this detail). My husband who was rushing said, he will get the unnecessary stuff later and that we should go to hospital right then!

Me, mom and my husband started in our car and still nothing. I couldn't feel a thing other than the splurge of amniotic flow. I tuned in to radio to soothe  myself. Some odd music was playing which I couldn't even recognize. Suddenly I shouted ,  "Hey  Imran.  Did you realise I worked till last day." He said "Yay!"

Then I turned around to tell the same to my mom.  She seemed to be facing all the pressure which I should actually face. Looking  at her worried  face I felt troubled. Otherwise I was in a jolly mood (I was a blissfully unaware soul about the long day ahead of me ;) ). I was hoping through out the ride that I would start feeling the contractions, will go in passive labor, will reach hospital and 2-3 hrs of active labor and voila - my  kid will be out in no time. I heard in classes that the labor, specially for the first birth will be long and arduous but I mentally agreed to disagree as I wanted mine to start and end in a jiffy :D

We suddenly remembered that we need to inform about my labor to the LifeCell guys who need to collect my umbilical cord for the stem cell preservation. After hearing a lot about stem cell culture, we invested in it . They were prompt and informed us that their agent will reach hospital soon. The agent (thanks to her)made me laugh loud after pains started. I will discuss more about this fun character in my next posts. We quickly reached hospital as the roads were clear with no traffic. I was thinking too many odd things as I stepped in to hospital. I was thinking how it has been long since I went on a long road trip and was wondering how cool it would be if I can travel on clear roads like the ones on which we rode just now. I was thinking of a hot morning cuppa and crispy choco chip cookies. I was wondering if I should have brought my blanket (??) and the contour pillow (which I use due to my neck pain). As I stepped in, I felt I should have combed my hair, when I caught my image in one of the many glass windows. I thought of office and suddenly took out my mobile to text my team mate.

"I am in LABOR. Please inform manager. I cannot work today!" . This was my SMS  to my teammate which I also whatsapped (coz who checks SMSes these days??). As I type out, it still makes me laugh loud. Everyone knew I was pregnant and would soon go in labor. Still I made it a point to inform that I cannot work. We had good laughs over this detail in coming weeks but that moment every action seemed  laborious (pun intended), odd and hazy!
Leads to a good laugh but explains how every one may lose mind during labor :) - Image source : here

To be continued ...

Sunday, May 14, 2017

The Heart of A Mother

When you smile my heart skips a beat
When you cry my heart skips a beat
When you lock your eyes with mine for hours, my heart skips a beat 
When I giggle and you chuckle, my heart skips a beat!


The heart does a somersault when it hears your wail
The heart is shielded by love when you hold my hand tight or follow my trail
In my heart, for every one around me there is sudden warmth and love 
It is a bigger place now, as in my heart you started to live!


My new found heart embraces me when I need to be strong
My new found heart gives me a bear hug when I do something wrong
My heart nudges me to discover new acts for you
When you nudge me to repeat my act , the act feels so good and true!


You are the best remedy for my every day blues
You have filled my life with many new hues 
Your smile feels so pure and honest, devoid of the worldly stuff
To sail through a rough day that loving stare and smile are enough!


When I held you first in my arms, tears flooded my eyes 
The tears of joy and overwhelm on seeing your face felt so nice
The first kiss on your forehead will be treasured by me forever
It is the best kiss of my life and nothing can match it ever!


It feels like a fairy flickered her wand and the God performed a miraculous trick
Having you in my life almost feels like magic
Motherhood is not what you are but it is what you do
I always feel ecstatic when I think of the duo of me and the little you!


I still have a long way to go and the day to day challenges scare me

At times I do have a selfish desire to be the little daughter to my mother, and be free
I am a new mother with lot of apprehension and fear
In future when I may be fighting my own demons, I want you to be there!


If I am lost or angry I want you to read these lines

Only to know that it is love at the first sight which always reigns
I want you to feel the endless bond which envelops you and me
I want you to know, it is an overpowering emotion, my love on thee!!


A 6 month old me and my three month old daughter

Happy Mothers day to one and all!

"When God Spoke to Me!"

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