Friday, April 7, 2017

"F stinks Fakeology"

Fake emotions are the flavor of the day. Fakeology is not a real word but I like this cool term which is widely used by many. Wherever you go, whatever you do you cannot escape fake people and fake feelings. In the long run you can do nothing but learn fakeness a bit, so as to tolerate them or to just get rid of them. Generally fake people are quite sweet and seem empathetic when you discuss your problems. When you discuss your success, progress or some positive result in life, the same people shun it. Other than those real close friends who wish your well-being, it is not advisable to share your immense happy moments with all. Happiness feels good when shared with selective few who do not have any vice towards you.

I had some strange conversations with few such people during my pregnancy revelation. I was trying to conceive from 2 plus years and when I became pregnant during the time, I was least expecting, it definitely felt like a big celebration to me but I was sensible enough to not make a fuss of it. However I thought sharing the news with people who know my struggle makes sense. But I was wrong. This is how conversation went with some X.

X : "I am so happy for you.  How many months pregnant are you?"

Me: "Entered 5th month."

X: "You don't seem so. Everything is fine?"

Me (feeling little surprised): "Ofcourse things are OK. Belly size is not same for all."

She: " Good. You told others?

Me: "Not yet. Will tell when belly shows may be after 6th month."

She: "Ya. Anyway it is better not to make a celebration out of it. We never know what may happen in first pregnancy."

I  was dumbstruck.Those words stung hard. I can't even imagine myself saying some such thing to even a person whom I dislike a lot. Here I am talking about a person who has an idea of the challenges I faced, was supportive at few junctures and seemed like actually sending positive vibes my way. I was not sure how to react. I told , "I am not eager to make a fuss of it. People react in a weird way." I managed to mumble those words and walk out but that irksome feeling stayed in my head for few days. I somehow felt the emotion in the above conversation reeked of reality and not fakeness. It is not easy to be fake always :)
Interesting quote: source- here
I was dead scared during my scans and appointments but by God's grace there were  no visible complications.

Whatever she told in the above conversation snippet may be true. Nothing is reliable in the first pregnancy. Nothing is ever reliable in life. It is all a matter of fortune and God's will in scenarios where we totally have no control. I revealed my news to her as I felt she of all will understand as she sailed in the same boat. But what she said needs complete insensitivity towards the listener or may be some real hardship she faced which made her utter such factual statement. May be for some saying things transparently on face feels better than just being happy for others! I am not sure what exactly it is but I cannot fake my emotions during peoples' hardships and then show an opposite state of mind when they are happy. If I really don't care about a person, I stay neutral from the very beginning. If I do care, I care no matter what

When you feel you are strong, smart and think of giving an extremely honest advice, do enter the other person's shoes and think of a situation when same things are said to you, then you may realise the gravity of it irrespective of your sensitivity range. Why show concern and emotion which almost seem real when in struggle and why to not show happiness in the same intensity when there is a positive outcome? --- This question always puzzles  me. After that day I didn't utter about pregnancy to any of the folks around or acquaintances. Only when it got too obvious I told to those who see me every day, just as an announcement with zero emotion!

Even if I try and think it is just the way few speak and there really are no bad intentions, I don't feel convinced! After delivery, till date I haven't heard from her :) !

You often come across fake smiles, fake concern and fake emotions and it is very easy to distinguish the reality from fakeness but at times it is a dead end and you just fall bait for it! 

5 comments:

  1. Afshana, my dad always told me to m distinguish between a friend and an acquaintance. And the conversation shows how narrow minded the person is plus with literally no sense of how to talk. I feel the same so many times, given that I got married recently. People ask such weird questions, close (fake) ones that I am shocked at their thought process. I would never ask such a thing ever but I always get people who are there to hurt you by your words.
    Learnt to recognize fake people and stay miles away from them slowly now. ;)

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  2. There are people who believe that celebrations bring on an evil eye and hence are careful during times like pregnancy and early days of the baby. They also are careful in what they say. But this statement was very insensitive. You are right. Fake emotions are all around us

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  3. I think body language and the style in which a statement is given reveals the intentions but ya I know that belief of not revealing and making it big that's why I guess all r usually careful which includes me!
    Thanks for reading jaya shree

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  4. Sigh. There are people. And then there are people. The only best thing you can do is not let them pull you down. Not let them affect you. Tough I know. Easier said than done. Especially if it's someone you feel comfortable with. But you're a strong lady! Take care of yourself and your little one! And you be doing what you do best! There are lots who love you for who you are!

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What do you think about this ? I always love to hear back.A comment or a brickbat boosts me to write more but the mud slinging shall be promptly vacuumed.
Thanks for your time :)

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