Sunday, September 1, 2013

The PunchNama of Relatives - Day 1

Originally published at "Half Baked Beans blog"

A wise man once said that cousins are your first best friends. They know everything about you and you can share anything with them but this holds good only till you grow and get married because everyone is honest to the core during childhood but things change with time. I really don’t know where to start on this topic “Punch-nama of relatives and cousins in India” as it is endless. Punchnama in Hindi means report. Generally it’s a report made at the crime scene :P.  After some recent personal experiences and after hearing to many tales from friends I finally decided to pen down my thoughts. Whenever you attend any party or a wedding in India there is no escape from the nosy relatives, cousins or distant cousins whose names you forget with time. Unless until you are wearing some invisibility cloak or can disappear with a tiny flick of your index finger, they barge in to your comfort zone and make it extremely uncomfortable in a micro-second. I feel many can connect to the below anecdote. I am sure you would have faced the same many a times.
Meena is a pretty girl in the family. Her mom has a couple of brothers and a couple of sisters, her dad has a brother and a sister and too many cousin sisters and brothers. They are so many that she lost count. “Damn. Giving birth to as many as possible was a prestige factor I guess in those days.” Meena always thought to herself. It’s easier to be that kid in turban from kuch kuch hota hai and count stars rather than counting her relatives. All these people occasionally meet only in weddings or any family functions where a crowd bigger than the hum aapke hain kaun clan gather and chit chat. Meena unfortunately decided to attend one such nondescript wedding as it’s been long since she met her relatives. Also her mother insisted that many want to meet her. Meena finally decided she will go, if not for people at least for the magical food spread!
Ten minutes in to the function hall a fat aunty approached her.

Aunty: “Oh. Meenaaaaaaa! It’s been ages. Remember me? I am Visaalaakshi aunty! Oh my god. You are glowing.” Saying so she pulled her cheek.
Even if it was repulsive Meena resisted her urge to slap aunty and smiled.
Aunty: “So what’s cooking lady? You are radiant! Is there any good news in store?” questioned aunty with overloaded enthusiasm.
Meena looked confused and her mother stayed calm.
Meena: “I didn’t get you.”

Then someone called Visaalaakshi and she left. The bell rang and Meena realised that aunty was asking if she got pregnant. She had to face the same question five times by the time the wedding function ended. She was exhausted to reply or to even give a silly smile when ever people asked. Why is every relative after her pregnancy? How will they benefit if she added a branch to the family tree? For sure nobody will remember even if it’s a boy or a girl once the baby is born. Indian mentalities always amuse Meena.

Please read the rest of the article at the  "Half baked voices blog." Leave your valuable comments on the Half baked voices blog !
Thanks a lot for your time !

28 comments:

  1. Ah! Humanity veers between extremes. You either have social relationships that insist on intruding in every single facet of your life or the 'could not care if you are dead' kind. If it has to be extremes I prefer the former - though I would really appreciate it if someone found a moderate level :)

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    1. ya true but usually its always this or that extreme. I too would prefer a mid line :)
      thanks for visiting my blog Suresh :)

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  2. Some relatives can be annoying. I think I have been lucky that most of mine seem to be alright. I seem to get these kind of questions from absolute strangers who have no business asking me stuff. I meet relatives only rarely, given that half of us are spread across the world so it is quite fun to meet up and catch up.

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    1. Ya I too prefer to be in the company of those "alright" ppl but some times unfortunately U get to see the other colors of people who seemed good so far ! Strangers are the ppl who freqly ask such que - thats true!
      Ya staying not so close is always better

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  3. LOL...I was indeed laughing out loud.. "Visalaakshi aunty toh kamal hai, the name even!

    :-))

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    1. hehe Am glad U could laugh loud. I honestly didnt want to sound so serious
      Ya that name suddnly stuck me may be tollywood effect :p

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  4. hehehheee..so so true!!! relatives are meant to be like that..loud and irritating! and the adage of not throwing stones at others while living in a glass house simply does not seem to apply to them!

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    1. ya too loud and too irritating ! Bingo at that last sentence
      Thanks for visting my blog and commenting

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  5. I think when we live overseas we appreciate our relatives more. I miss them so much.

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    1. its alwayss good to stay away from relatives. Not meeting often always keeps the spark alive and there is a chance of missing them too :P
      PURELY my opinion
      THANKS for commenting suzy

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  6. aaaaaaaa............nahiiiiiiiiiii..... ye to hai meri kahanai...... :(

    These nosey relatives and the so called weddings and parties........ uffffffff god!

    I want to slap these visaaalaaakshi aunties and uncles and cousins too..like really very hard.

    Good post Afshu. And who said you don't have a theme. This is a theme and that too a wonderful one.

    Congrats on the guest post as well. <3

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    1. That was jst somethng I rounded on as I remembered today the challenge is starting :)
      I too wanna slap many people !
      Thanks for the comment and wishes Pree

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  7. I agree at times dealing with relatives can be painful, especially the ones who demand five star treatment for occasions. I've had similar experiences too. I believe relatives are family, they should be more understanding instead of making so many demands. Good luck for the festival Afshan !

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    1. ya some people think they shud alwaysssssss be given importance and in all-ways
      What to do , have to deal with such ppl. They teach us lot of patience . thats the only take away
      Good to have u here Diana. Its been long
      Thanks !

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  8. Afsan this is a very hilarious, entertaining and amusing post. Such relatives are a pain in the neck.Enjoyed reading it.

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    1. Thanks Usha ji. Am glad that u enjoyed :) Ya such relatives are pain in a** :)
      thanks for visiting

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  9. Very recently some britishers arrived in office and I was made to accompany them for a week. All they asked me was about family values in india and I also had a similar kind of account to share with them :-)

    Afshan I had a suggestion, could you add a line or two space while changing paragraphs it would become easy to read. Only a suggestion :-)

    Richa

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    1. hey thanks a lot for the suggestion. I will give a page break. We have that option na :) !!

      and foreigners think that we value relations a lottt but some times that value is tough to handle no ? :)
      am glad U cud feel connected to this post
      thanks Richa

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  10. Hmm..I have a great set of relatives and that too inspite of having both parents who are 1 among 8! I love all of them to bits and look forward to our reunions and get-togethers!

    But I understand the plight of Meena...Do I? ...I guess I would not be able to really comment!

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    1. Ya its good to have a great set. I too have few good bunch but few fall in this category which I described in blog post :)
      Thanks for reading the post and visiting my blog Aparna

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  11. Haha! Most of us Indians will feel 'been here, done that' while reading this post. Sometimes I wonder if I should make all those aunties read such things and realize how annoying they are!

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  12. Tell me about these big families, family gatherings, the uncomfortable questions and those stares!!

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  13. I can totally understand the Situation! I was asked on this vacation too, "What do you do at home?". I said, "Nothing!". Let her be jealous that I am free to enjoy life! Really too much right? :)

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  14. Hmm...Part and parcel of society life I believe. Lose tongues loaded with insensitive remarks seems to be the birthright of many these days.

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  15. Seriously! I just to go out for family functions now. The only question i get is. "when you gonna marry dear...???... Grrrr!! How irritated i feel hearing these words!

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  16. oh wow! So, if she isn't pregnant, would it mean that she's just fat?! :D
    Totally agree about certain nosy relatives who consider it their mission in life to learn all about you in the span of an hour!!

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  17. Can relate to this completely! Relatives at functions and get-togethers are there to ask uncomfortable questions and give free unsolicited advice! :|

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  18. I can completely relate to this. That is why I have decided never to meet my relatives unless someone is dying or getting married.

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What do you think about this ? I always love to hear back.A comment or a brickbat boosts me to write more but the mud slinging shall be promptly vacuumed.
Thanks for your time :)

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