A new girl in a new City writes on this new year- The Gurgaon Diaries 2012

From a week I am answering the same question again and again- How is the big move coming along ?

We are finally shifting from Gurgaon to Bangalore ! Due to few reasons am super glad and pretty excited thinking about the new home , new place , new stuff . New things always make us happy . A New year, new movie , new dress ,new book , new look. Don't they bring a smile on your face? The new happenings also make me tad sad as I am little phobic when a new change occurs in my life but then I pat my self thinking if I could have come out of this old thing which was new in the beginning I can face the next new phase too !

With the chain of events in Delhi, the gang rape , protests and death I was very disturbed. I spent many sleepless nights and still in the mid of the night I wake up even by the slightest sound. I became a full-on light sleeper. Just a week back some body was drunk and was shouting or retching on the road. I was scared beyond the limits. I woke my husband up and asked him to go out and check who is roaming at 1 A.M. on the streets screeching so loud. I became paranoid. I still feel any criminal may ambush us any second. When he went out the sound stopped . Either he left or we couldn't spot him. I went to Palika bazaar and did not leave my husbands hand even for a second. Its the best adda to shop anything ranging from a hair clip to a USB or a sweat shirt which are of good quality at cheapest possible price.Normally I would have jumped in joy as new things always make us happy, but there was some thing in the air that evening which was bothering me. I was not in a mood to shop. We winded off fast and came out . I was all the while making sure am standing along with my husb. I felt the same when I was in CP, Galleria , Saket , City center so on so forth. As such I love all these places . I love the books sold at half the price in Saket, movies in city center or the flavored milk of CP but suddenly I didn't find any of these places a happening one. Fear engulfed me and fun faded

Am not saying I felt wonderful or safe when I left the city. I just felt hollow and vacant as I wanted to leave the place with only good memories. There are many reasons why I didnt like Gurgaon from day 1. Few are water-power mis-management and the inverters and generators being life savers of the place, being not able to go alone for a walk or to a gym for obvious reasons(not that I can go like a braveheart on the roads of hyd /Pune/ Bangalore) but most of you will agree on this with me that Gurgaon has certain dead calm associated with it. People come out of their houses only in certain hours and the parks are mostly uninhabited if you want to go in the evening (atleast in DLF area where I lived.) .Here you have to exclude the condos , villas and bungalows which almost seem like owned by some invisible Mr. India or a gorgeous Miss world as people rarely step out of them and if at all they step out it is not on to the road but directly in to their Merceedes / Jaguars .Just today I read some thing interesting on net about the Richie Richs of Dilli -http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/news-by-industry/et-cetera/wanton-shopping-how-the-super-rich-shop-to-satisfy-bizarre-instincts-in-a-slowing-economy/articleshow/17849080.cms .

Once I tried to explore the DLF area and entered the streets unescorted at about 5-00. We all know that sun sets by 5-30 in winter in Delhi/Gurgaon. DLF phase 1 , 2, 3 all look similar as if a Civil engineer has just made a skeletal structure of a complex with squares and rectangles. I was lost and couldn't trace the path in which I came. I wondered if I should have left a trail like throwing some pieces of paper all the way. It was getting chilly and there was NO BODY means absolutely no bodywalking on the road or in the near by parks. Sadly there were no security guards too outside the Bungalows. I finally came face to face with some group of guards who sat near to a fresh fire to escape the bone chilling winter. I was scared to question them about the direction to my home . I sounded stupid and silly to myself.

Due to the natural fear engulfing me at that point of time as I was lost , I asked him the direction to a near by landmark . I was still clutching my I pod and the grip was so tight that I would have damaged it .Then suddenly one of them stood up and told, " Let me show you the way". I was visibly frightened. I told ,"You just tell me. I will manage." He maintained 2 feet distance from me and walked with me till the end of the street and directed me from where I can get out of the maze/ bhool bhulayya . I thanked him a couple of times and hurried to home with whatever pace my adidas shoes could give to me with out stopping any where. I laughed at my own silly fear and thought , "NOT ALL CAN BE CRIMINALS." I was relieved for just few days when the brutal crime happened in the heart of the city , in the midst of police check posts and not even in past midnight hours! The usual fear gripped me more tightly this time. I was scared to even to answer the door bell or receive a courier or go to a super mart just for vegetables all by myself. I was told and taught I wont be able to live normally with that constant fear and throb in the heart but I felt helpless. I couldn't trust any one any more.

When some of my friends wrote posts post the crime, they were horribly attacked by many men who said they are generalizing all men. My point is when you are frightened and helpless you wont be able to trust any one! This doesn't mean generalizing all the men in the category of criminals. I saw a chain of comments which were actually torments , weird arguments which were baseless like - Why you wrote this ? Write and fight for crimes on men too! Some of them even told that all men should be away from a certain blogger and the other women who commented as they will file a rape case on any one with out any proof !! I was stunned by those replies. When there were many men supporting the protests and fighting for justice there are several out there who don't let you voice your thoughts on your blog! Freedom of speech is again something which is misused by many. They shout and bombard you and say they are using their right to express too !! Huh! Makes me nothing but sad.

You will be instantly muted or will be threatened or will be invited to a open rebuke or may be a battle. I appreciate many women who were strong enough to reply back and fight back. I watched it all in silence. I was speechless to even argue or make my point. Banging my head on a wrought iron gate was some thing better than trying to inculcate respect towards women in some peoples brains who even easily mouthed words like bitch and women rapists targeting the respective bloggers! Nothing can be done to repair some one's thoughts or perspectives.I feel good to see that many irrespective of their region / gender and many more diversities are fighting for justice and I feel equally bad watching these mind sets in stark silence !

Its truly said , "Speech is silver and Silence is gold." Speech shows you are bold but for sure silence is gold when it comes to replying to sick people. Its a truth I learnt in a hard way !

Lastly I want to point to few articles which reflect few thoughts and reveal some horrifying experiences and also shocking comments too !If you have time please give a read.

http://daddysan.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/the-subjugation-capital/

https://www.facebook.com/notes/charanya-kannan/a-nameless-piece-like-hundreds-of-victims/581339528549463

http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2012/12/31/women-and-not-their-modesties-are-feeling-outraged-so-is-everybody-else/

http://mashedmusings.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/it-was-not-just-the-driver-who-raped-her/

http://ghatasinghal.blogspot.in/2012/12/men-will-be-men-but-when-did-they-turn.html

https://www.facebook.com/notes/sangeeta-das/i-witness-the-good-people-of-delhi/10151383785584595

http://www.asianage.com/columnists/rape-death-349

Do read sunitha Krishnan's blog at - http://sunithakrishnan.blogspot.kr/ She is a rape victim who survived and works for Prajwala now. Three cheers to her and she is a source of inspiration to many !

Lastly some thing I wrote http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.in/2012/12/if-you-are-draped-you-wont-be-raped-eh.html.

Think about the below things

• Please note that a rape is a heinous crime but the victim has NOT DONE ANY SIN! Y DO FEW HATE THE VICTIM when U HAVE TO HATE THE SIN AND ALSO THE SINNER? is a question which baffles me and this applies to any other crime EQUALLY irrespective of gender but my point is not to steal the right of leading a normal life from a rape victim.
• Like I already said people who come up with reasons for rape like skirt's length , chowmein and etc etc make a good bunch of baboons . I can only tell to them bring them on and get titled as the fools of the year!
• One last and final thing is WE CAN NEVER CHANGE the sick, adamant mind sets. Its better to shy away than shooing them away. If they bark at your door step simply ignore , delete or block. We have a fair idea of the kind of society we live in. Hence GAINING TRUST OR TRYING TO CHANGE THEM is some thing next to impossible. So its better to always be cautious and avoid masked people specially on online forums!

Let us pray and hope all the "GOOD" changes happen even if eventually and lets pray we don't have to witness a surge of crimes in the mean while !

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Frankly there were not many great experiences in Gurgaon but some how strangely I felt I will miss few things when I was in IGI T1 Airport even as my mind was clouded with all grimy thoughts due to the continuous conversations and discussions around me! I didn't make many friends there but I will miss few "good" people with whom I used to talk frequently ! I will remember the teary eyed house owner who was fighting back tears when we were leaving. I couldn't acknowledge it properly as I actually was not sad but am sure I will remember that face always. We bonded nicely and the way they helped and treated us was equal to the treatment at home! I didn't even get a thought to get a pic clicked with the old couple. I later repented. There are sensitivities and goodness in the world. These people yet again reminded me! I shall pray for their health , wellness and safety!

The delicious Qureshi kebab- I love it more than the KAREEMS

I will miss the Qureshi Kebab at DLF shopping mall , the pan and books at saket , the Naivedyam dinners , Driving near the India gate (Delhi roads are indeed fantastic minus few lunatics travelling on it), the flavoured milk at CP , movies at DT cinemas though I had to once witness two viewers who fought horribly throwing cuss words at each other as one hooligan was not allowing rest all to watch Gangs of Wasseypur. I missed few punch dialogues due to him ! Needless to say I will miss travelling to scenic places of Uttaranchal and Uttarakandh. I wanted to cover many places but I had to shift :( :( . I am glad I went to Nainital , Manali , Jaipur , Lucknow, Rohtang , Agra and Jim corbett . Lastly I loved Dilli haat where I actually had the tastiest chat and Akshardham near Noida. The place is worth a visit and you will love the architecture and the peace the place exudes. Only sad part is photos are not allowed . This pretty much sums up my 10 month stayal in Gurgaon!

The Majestic Akshardham 

The leela kempinski and the Ambience mall (Worth a visit)- One of the largest malls in India

Palika bazaar

 I always loved visiting historical monuments or places with historical significance and hence loved Qutub minar , Humayuns tomb , India Gate, Red fort so on so forth.I will write a detailed travelogue and "good" experiences when am in GOOD mood. For now Good bye Gurgaon and welcome Bangalore. I wish the new year becomes a good start for me & Imran & for all of us !!

Qutub minar

Humayun's tomb

PS: All these images are googled. I don't own them.

Even if there was nothing merry and only merry go round happenings during christmas and even if there's nothing too exciting on this new year *Happy new year to one and all. As some thing prefixed by NEW fills hope , reminds ambitions , desires , aspirations* Before trying to take big oaths, paths and resolutions try resolving bygone year's issues and problems!Take care and stay safe. Don't lose hope yet!