One kid, two kids, three or four -
Why does society keep the score?
Zero kids? Instant concern,
Suddenly every aunt can discern!
An uncle leans in, clears his throat,
Audits my womb like a balance note.
Plan soon. “Time is ticking,” he declares,
Strange - I don't remember my life being listed in your cares?
Age added years, not common sense,
Wrinkles deep, but too much pretense and nonsense.
Advice flows, unsolicited, loud,
A public service, self-endowed.
One child? “Only one?” they sigh.
Two? “Better - but why not for more - you try?”
Three? “It’ll all work out somehow.”
Wonderful - so would you be parenting now?
Does motherhood come in numbered sets,
Measured in total number of kids and quiet bets?
Is love only love when stacked neatly, line by line?
Or is it love when grown through patience, grit, and time?
And men - applause for showing up,
One brave swimmer, mission done.
Crossed oceans? Survived the cold?
Most didn’t even make it bold.
Biology doesn’t run on pride,
Nor does parenting improve by the count.
Excellence isn’t bred through numbers,
Or perfected by speeches from the sidelines!!
I challenge the critics, near and dear,
Who question women year by year.
If numbers matter quite this much??
Open your doors - do more than judge.
Be there for chaos, cost, and care,
For sleepless nights, mental & physical health wellbeing, and for constant repair.
Live the weight, not just the view,
Then we’ll talk - until then, do you.
I wish for a switch, a simple device,
To mute this grown-up background noise.
Antenna off, peace tuned in,
Where calm survives and lines aren’t crossed again!
Imagine a world - radical, and true...
Where happiness just spreads with no proof or a clue!
Parent or not, married or not, whether you are not this or not that,
Just humans letting humans be - isn't it?
It sounds like a fantasy, right -
Because staying in your lane requires effort quite tight... :)
P.S. I am dedicating this poem to all who suffer by the constant surge of questions bombarded at them in life, mainly bout having a kid, having more than one kid or two kids , about marriage or non marriage, about this or about that! Seriously when will we all focus on ourselves and stop harassing the others?!
I stole the title from famous FRIENDS series - as told by Rachael to Ross . The gif I added shows the same scene. My first post of January - sorry not very happy or Rosy! But we have a whole year ahead isn't it? :-)
Happy Newyear y'all ♥️🎄☀️
I agree totally. We were married 5 years before we had kids and were asked constantly when that was going to happen. And my adult sons are not married and they get that questioned about that all the time.
ReplyDeleteSharp, honest, and painfully relatable . Why do people feel morally entitled to measure women’s lives, but only emotionally invested when judging - not supporting?
ReplyDeleteSharp, honest, and painfully relatable. This says what so many people think but rarely say out loud .
ReplyDeleteAfshan, I can fully relate to this. In the years following my marriage more than 30 years ago, my wife and I were faced with the same situation; of course, despicably, she faced more than me. We even decided never to visit her hometown if people kept asking "Any good news?"
ReplyDelete(My hometown is in Kerala, and hers is in Bhopal, and we were in Ahmedabad. So, we used to visit her place more often, since it was closer. It took more than a day to travel from Gujarat to Kerala by train.)
And we decided we will make it clear to everyone why we are refusing to visit her hometown. I don't know may be because I used to tell them, it's the couple's (and only the couple's, not even their parents') personal decision. May be because of that, the number of people (especially acquaintances) interrogating us reduced substantially.
The same applies to marriage. Now my son is in the so-called "marriageable age". (Actually, for an adult, any age is good to get married.)
If we meet someone we know (or even strangers), within two minutes of the conversation, the topic crops up:
"How old is your son"?
"Married?"
"Oh, you should look for a girl... Later it will be difficult to get a girl ..."
Soon, I wonder begin to wonder if we are talking about me getting married or my son getting married!
I usually cut off the conversation by saying: "We are not interfering. He is an adult. It's his life. He will take a decision, and we will go by it. We are always there to help him".
And, I change the topic.