How I wish!

How I wish that the kids with biggest hearts never grow....

How I wish we reap the benefits of the wisdom seeds they sow!

How I wish pure and trusted - it always stays, that love!

How I wish the wonderment in eyes and the joy in the heart stays intact as a treasure trove!

How I wish the fantasies we nurtured never turned to realities 

How I wish we didn't have to face the adulting cruelties

A lie - a sham which every one says that once you grow you can have it all...

And that once you grow - you decide your life and can make a call!

How I wish, the precious childhood could always stay

How I wish I stopped for once the roles I play 

How I wish the world to always be easy, happy and we could let things slide!!

How I wish I could talk to someone and feel like I can be myself and never feel tired!

How I wish at least one person conversed attentively feeling happy and engaged!

How I wish when we are sad, we don't have to get dismissed!

How I wish the child in me was once in a while acknowledged,

How I wish it would have been easier to share, talk a lot, or shed a tear - if at all someone listened !

How I wish we never grew, and stayed warm in the childhood cocoon

Should I be happy, that childhood is the only boon where I was always over the moon!

The cocoon breaks and the butterfly comes out in vibrant hues!

But how I wish to feel that cocooned warmth just once again till they end - "the blues"!

Dear Uruz Bhayya,

I wanted to write a letter to you, to preserve what all I am feeling in this blog post and to really get it out of my system and feel better. It is an open secret that writing is a cathartic process for people like me. However I am not sure if I can ever get what all I am feeling out of my system, but I can definitely make the load slightly lighter may be? Few days back when one from our cousins asked to reminisce some good old memories with you, I was totally blank! Completely blank because of all the recent past happenings and the struggle and fight which I closely witnessed. I poked my head and twisted my mind to recollect at least one memory but was feeling numb. With lot of difficulty I recollected some random memory and shared in that group, however I felt I didn't do justice to our bond or memories, hence this letter - a trial to reminisce few unforgettable, fun moments!

Do you remember those random summer days, when we used to huddle together under the shade of a neem or coconut tree in the grandmas backyard or our backyard in Ongole, and discuss anything and everything under that light blue dusky evening sky? My most favorite part was discussion of ghosts and spirits. I vividly remember how you along with your accomplices, scared me by throwing some seeds through window while I was alone in the bedroom and I screamed till my lungs exploded. Those were the days of Zee horror show (an Indian channel serial) and it took long to subside my fears. 

You calling me "Afshu," echoes in my ears. I never remember anybody addressing me as Afshu so effortlessly like how you do. Not even my parents call me with that name often. I used to feel good like a pampered sister whenever I hear Afshu from you! I know there is one more Afshan in the family, and hence to avoid confusion you may have picked Afshu - Says the logical person in you ...but I also know that the warmth or emotion you felt towards me as a big brother was unmissable! 

Ages back, whenever we visited your place during holidays, it always used to be so happening - You picking us from the bus stop and taking us around the city, making us taste the delicacies - from the mere "hari boot"  (a type of chickpea that is popular in Hyderabad) at Charminar during shopping, to the Gokul chat and also the HALEEM of Hyderabad. As I didn't like haleem you were puzzled. I loved all those visits, our animated talks, shopping till sun sets and at times late nights during certain cousin's wedding. I thoroughly enjoyed all those moments though I dont exactly remember the words!

 Like they say "baatein bhool jaate hai, yaadein yaad aate hai!"

Pulling each other's legs, having great food, doing shopping, going to movies and so on used to be our ritual whenever we meet. Your ignited passion to introduce everything that is best in Hyderabad used to feel good. The dynamism and happy smile always felt  contagious.

You were one of the very few who was genuinely happy when I secured district 1st and state 5th in my Xth standard. Similarly I felt your encouragement and applause when I successfully came out of the very tough Infosys Long cycle training. I know for a fact that some success stories and happy news cant be shared with everyone, but I was sure that you would be glad on hearing my progress. We all as a big group went to Alanktrita resorts in Hyderabad to celebrate my come back and clicked many fun pics. If I start digging in to my hard disk drive to check the old pictures, I may really get lost in time & thoughts and it would be tough to come back to present. Hence I am not going there. NOT YET!

How can I forget all our silly stories, outings and movie crushes we all had - your big crush being Manisha Koirala. You were so fond of her that in a wedding of common cousin when we teased you with a pretty girl you showed least interest , pointing to the girl next to her - saying that she resembles Manisha! I believe I still have the photograph of those girls and all of us sitting on stage. 90s , Hyderabad visits, and winter weddings were a heady mixture - extremely enjoyable!

If I travel little more back in time - when I was very small and you were may be mere 15-16 in early 90s when you stayed in Kothagudem and we visited, I remember I enjoyed the stay so much...specially I was mesmerized by hybrid roses, silkworm rearing, coal mines, and Bathukamma festival of Telangana happening there then. You all are pet lovers and am not much. You used to laugh whenever I run and hide seeing your dog - was it's name Tito?? I don't remember now! We all were such a close knit group. We had our common gossips, inside jokes , talks about books , movies, so on and so forth! 

Time and life have happened. Meeting each other became little less - as we all were finding our ways to cope with life's curve balls, college, exams, careers, finding a partner, and so on....by God's grace all of us settled well to a good extent! After finishing my college, We all shifted to Hyderabad and I felt glad that we got a chance to meet more often than we thought we could. I vividly remember how you once asked me, "hey can u apply this hot oil on my head" ( If my memory is right, you were having a bad headache) and in absence of your sisters you asked me in the TV area - a cozy space up the stairs in your old house where we all used to sit , watch and chat away. I happily obliged and applied oil on your head - may be the little moments like these made me feel that you are almost next to my own brother! Our zandu balm addiction, mannerisms, restless feet syndrome (where you are always moving one of your foot just like your dad, my dad and me) even while sitting still are all some commonalties😃 - I thought that probably because we have common ancestry even dad side, some behavioral traits seem similar!

Death

Death - when it knocks the door..

Would you even get a chance to understand what's in-store?

Death - when it knocks the door...

Will you not wish to live, laugh and love little more than before?

 

The eyes of a lifeless soul seem to have abandoned this clueless world and be in peace

The living eyes of the loving ones - would they ever be at ease?

Time heals - they all say, even the wounds which are dark and deep 

Without remembering the life with in her, will those eyes of the mother ever sleep??

For the revival of the life and for the return of the child, yearns the heart of a mother...

A mere memory of her child freshens the wounds and the misery attacks in one form or other!

Seeing and going through the grief - she wishes that not even an enemy should go through the same!

And who can explain why and what of this never ending pain?

A father tries to manage it all, talking, greeting, and swallowing the nothingness

He gives one long lasting look at the peacefully sleeping angelic soul

Hoping it all to be a dream and wishing the child to wake up with usual giggles and smiles on the face!

Who will explain to him the game of the death by God, that seems all foul?

The tears dry, and the pain gets deeply absorbed in every muscle and vein

The people leave, after uttering same set of comforting words, to live and continue their routine!

When the house becomes empty, would not every messy corner act as a painful reminder?

Of that gentle soul who was happy, more understanding than an adult and always kinder!

We all say prayers for the departed soul, while we know that this is not the fair play...

A heart wonders - How come the criminals and sinners continue to live each and every day?

Where as a soul that harmed none was so drastically taken away...

What will lessen this emptiness and pain now - who can possibly say?

source: here

When death really knocked the door...

I wish it atleast was able to meet the eyes of this pure being.

I wish that it explained the reason and just answered everything!

Death would also have mourned this demise and felt helpless as it followed the behest!

They say truth that the smallest of the coffins are the heaviest...

PS: A little child whom I knew well suddenly passed away and we all are still not able to come to terms with it. May God give strength to the whole family to heal!

"When God Spoke to Me!"

Is it for the love of God, you do what you do?

Or is it your hunger to wake up something sleeping within you?

What do you mean to do with these new wings of power?

Do you want to scream the greatness of the God standing on a tall tower?

There is only one God for all of us, as it is famously said!

Does that God understand your deep devotions and the efforts laid?

What do you think he is doing from up above the world?

Is he glad, euphoric, or feeling that there is still more to be done and told!?

Yesterday God came into my dream and whispered a few blessings in my ear!

He sat next to me and caressed my forehead, the dream felt so real!

I asked him, "Which God are you?," as I felt I didn't know him.

He chuckled, "Not which! Ask me Why I am here?" suddenly sounding so grim!

"You humans pray to me, please me, and offer me so much!

As you work crazily to project me as the best, are you aware of what you are doing to each?

If you are so passionate about your God, inculcate in yourself - inclusivity and empathy...

I live in each one of you, and not in a shrine or in the sun or the sky conversing through telepathy!

Next time you feel all devotional, try to look deep into the unwavering eyes of a child

The eyes pose a million questions - as to who and what they are?

Thanks to the divisiveness you created among them - they form a very early identity!

They believe what they see and what they are told, as to who is who's deity!

Next time when you need a favor and want me near you, think about the misfortunes and misery gripping the globe!

Know the facts around you, not the hypotheses - Try to probe!

Nothing matters to me when the world is indifferent and blind to few and wide-eyed in awe for few!

No miracle would work until you double-faced hypocrites are bound to destroy and strew!

You could build me golden walls, and walk me all around the earth

You could install me in every nook and corner, but still, there will be a dearth...

You put your life at stake for me, fighting over the blood, bones, and the carcasses

You dig me out deep from the Mother Earth's belly and resurrect me, thinking it will clear your own mess

Beware that nothing matters till you learn what love and devotion in real mean!

Till you learn to live as humans, does it really matter whether your God is heard or unheard, seen or unseen?!"

As the last question rang in my ears, and as dawn cracked...

I woke up in disbelief as the feeling of God stayed with me, but he disappeared!

Yet again I start my day with my work and things...

Yet again I realize, it is not God whom I dislike, it is his fans' association and their doings!!!

Not sure of the source but I just love this quote. As per info on GoodReads, it is by A.B. Potts

P.S. On a related or may be not-so-related note, do watch this movie - Bruce Almighty, if you haven't already. You won't regret it.

A WAR

In the midst of a meaningless battle, a war unfolds,

Not in the attacker's mind, but the one who is attacked and holds,

The weight of this conflict they never chose,

A war in their hearts, where the numbness and nothingness rose!

The soldier in the field, with a bomb, rifle and a blade,

Kills millions, shatters countless souls with the choices made!

In the midst of the chaos, a war silently laid,

Between willful actions and a conscience swayed.

A mother and father, in sorrow's cruel grip,

Hugging their child's lifeless form, they weep,

A war in their souls, as hope takes a leap,

'To breathe life into the one they wish to keep!!'

Innocent children, their questions abound,

Why war's cruel hand on their lives was found?

A war in their hearts, a plea to the world's ground,

To understand their mistakes and the ways to fix them, their voices resound!

In our minds, a war, a divisive divide,

Where unity crumbles, and we can't decide,

How many wars to end this internal tide??

To say, "It's enough," on this chaotic ride...

The Thought Tornado - A new poem

The worldly charm doesn't entice me anymore!

The smiles and the urge to show off the material more than the matter feel so sore...

Why does each and every one and everything seem so bore?

What is the name of this feeling that I am sensing at my core!!?

 

It is not emptiness, surely, I am not someone who can feel empty for so long?!

It is not fulfillment, but I have no clue what makes this heart full, what exactly can be right or wrong?!!

Some say it is "the mid-life crisis," or maybe the full-time job of parenting!

Others say it is just because I have not upgraded myself as per the world's timing!

 

Often, I find myself at the crossroads, as the odd one out who can really not oblige to a norm or any fad.

Why does it feel like the majority are so sane in their insanity and I am the only one who is mad :)

Why does it feel impossible to find the rare good amid all that is bad!??

The good I see is not good enough for me, and everything needs to be rad!

source: here

More than people, I get more attached to a place, the elements of nature, a river, or a flower💮

Maybe because they stay the same and remain those constants holding an unknown power!

A relationship binding any two people feels odd like a transaction

The old-school me can never come to terms with it and is not aware of how to function!

 

I am not made for this world, is my well-calculated conclusion...

An ideal world in my head - Is it just an illusion?!

I belong to a place where the smiles and tears feel free, and eyes won't lie

A place where I can be myself and need not have to always try!

As the tornado of these thoughts engulfs me in full!

I sit like the calm before the storm and try to mull...

Is there such a place around me, or is it just within me?

Maybe if I search and look deep inside, the place - that haven of peace - I may finally be able to see...

Veni, vidi, vici - I came, I saw , I conquered

The Latin phrase Veni, Vidi, Vici popularly attributed to Julius Caesar, in English means - I came, I saw, I conquered. Apparently, Julius Caesar used this quote in a letter to refer to his swift conclusive victory. Now you may be wondering if I am writing a post to explain some historical anecdote or to narrate about some self-victory!

Nope! Recently I didn't win any battles (personal or professional), though the struggles are on, both in personal and professional fronts. I didn't achieve any big award or reward, though nowadays I am trying to filter my battles and be very nit-picky about which battles to fight on! I think it is a victory in itself - getting rid of so many stupid unnecessary battles fought with stupid people for stupid reasons. Keeping my frustration aside, I came and dusted my blog a second time this year to shower my love and appreciation on one man - who made me write so many things on my blog! Whenever I write/wrote a Love poem or something heartwarming, or fantasize about my dream man - he silently keeps swaying in my mind!

From my childhood till now, the one thing that hasn't changed is my unconditional love towards him. Yes, he had his downtime, his bad phases, and utter flop moments but when he came back, he took all possible steps - to come back with a bang. It is funny that the second post I am writing on this blog this year, is again about the same person - the same man who has won and keeps winning the hearts of millions, whose charisma and warmth are felt profoundly by all his fans and even some non-fans! The one whose manners make you feel puzzled that how can he even after all the success, take out time for many of his fans and make them feel personally involved and leverage their position. It all feels personal as if we all played a pivotal role in his success! His wit and thinking on the spot, on the feet make.one feel dumb. For his presence many of us have waited eagerly - Yes Yes! I am talking about none other than Shahrukh Khan!

But this post is NOT a review of the movie Jawaan. Many have already done that, and everyone has munched and digested the reviews, analyzed all the aspects, and elements, some showered praise, some did mud-slinging as always, and some are irritated and feel all this is hoopla! As always in mid of all this - the man rose like a phoenix and how!

Its been years, since he made a mark at box office, but after such a long hiatus....and after a series of movies that didn't work too well, when he came back...he set the silver screen ablaze and made all of us super elated! The silver screen can be called "Diamond screen" as he shined like one after over a decade! Last time I felt very good watching his movie (even before Pathan) was when I went to the movie Fan! Maybe it didn't do well at the box office. I don't bother much about numbers but the movie was impactful for the jabra fan in me!

Coming back to movies ➡️ Pathaan and Jawaan both have a different premise set, both have some pluses and some minuses, but there never was a dull moment while watching both the movies. SRK knew that we fans were craving for his magnanimous appearance, and has hit the iron when it is hot, by releasing both movies with very little time gap between the releases!

I watched Jawaan over the weekend that it was released and took my mother who loves him as intensely as I do, and was clean-bowled by just a single glance at him in the opening scenes... 

Ya ya, when each and every frame gets analyzed, you feel there could have been some enhancements, which if made, maybe the movie could have been flawless and much more bombastic -- however SRK in a meaty massy role and that too when we get to relish him in so many avatars, I believe nothing can go wrong. 

Even if a song or a scene got truncated or just removed - it just worked coz, Veni, vidi, vici - he came, he saw and he just conquered! His mass-y, a bit messy, funny, and captivating looks enthralled all fans and the neutral folks equally! Who knew that at the age of 58 - he could rock in a high-octane action thriller, the way he did! It is just a festive month for all the fans across the globe, the love he received and is receiving could be felt by each and every one of us, who eagerly waited for the success that he deserves, for his thumping victory, and his non-perishable fun quotient which just needed a break and a renewal!

Now the million dollar questions are - Why does his success feel so personal? Why does it make everyone sway crazily, go frenzy and wear bandages to show support for the movie, and flock to the movie theatres more than once? Why do people love him the way they do? 

It really is not because how he acts or dances. I think it is all because of what they receive from him, what he says, how he treats you, how he behaves, the aura, and the love he gives back!

source : here

I feel the movie if executed by any other star, may not have fared that well at the box office even with all other noteworthy actors - Nayanatara, Priyamani, Sethupathy, Deepika, etc. Personally, I feel that each and every dialogue he uttered is just for himself, he enjoyed his work the most after so long. In the stage of life, he is in at present, after many chain of events and some mishaps, the way he revived his passion felt excellent and praiseworthy. We all felt like we accomplished a personal milestone!

He has put in his extremely honest efforts and was in no mood to fail this time! He tried by all means so that his hard work and skills pay off. It is a regular action hero repertoire... I remembered many other such good flicks like Aparichit (Vikram Fame), Bharateeyudu (Kamal Hasan), and many other great Southern hits. It felt like the South Spice met  Money Heist when I watched many parts of the movie. The BEST TADKA was possible only and only due to SRK! Atlee's directions and Anirudh's BGM are on par!

Be it Ek raaja tha .... bahut gusse me tha .....or Bete ko maarne se pehle baap se baat kar - all these iconic lines were being full-on enjoyed by SRK, and delivered in no nonsensical manner!

source : here

Whatever Sena or organization files FIRs against any segment of the movie, it really doesn't matter - because success wipes it all off.

 "I feel that the more the hate mongers continue their hate cry, the more the movie will earn and soar high! "

The existence of some of the haters is a blessing to him ---- coz IT JUST MAKES OUR LOVE MULTIFOLD! Bring on the hatred and we will shower tons of love on him💗💗💗💗